Anxiety

16 Jul 2024

Dream

My second dream of the nigght was bizzare. I was something of an investigator. I was looking for someone in particular who was committing murderes. I get to this building and i find at least someone working with the enemy organization. She tries to attack and escape me. We are ina huge government building but in the hopsital wing. I end up killing her and skinning her and i gather evidence to turn in that she is this enemy killer. Also im trying to help vance who is also an investigator who needed proof they were after him. By the morning time people are coming in, and im anxious to turn in the evidence. I find vance i tell him privately what i have done, and hes happy but nervous about the evidence about him. Because the evidence would make it seem like he was at the crime scene. He isnt sure how he feels about that. I tell him i have the evidence in my bag and to just tell me what he wants me to do before i cant even leave the building and this place is filled eith agents and i cant tell my side of the story. He is unsure. I wake up

15 Jul 2024

Dream

I had the strangest dream. First I was at home with my boyfriend but we were sharing the apartment, my apartment which I bought, with three people, two boys and a girl. They used to live with my boyfriend like they were his flatmate, flatmates, and then all of a sudden they ended up living with me and at first I was fine with it and it was a mess. They would eat our food in the fridge but my boyfriend was like okay with it, always smiling and I was complaining and I didn't feel listened to. He wasn't listening to me, taking into account my feelings. And then I remember there was a problem. I was at my partner's mother's place and we had some kind of problem. I had to go to work in the evening because I was doing the night shift and I was so worried because I had to go to work. But, I don't know, there was this problem with the apartment. I don't know, it was being flooded, something like that. I don't remember what kind of problem it was. But, I don't know, I was so anxious and worried and I had to go to work and I didn't know what to do. Then we would go on the moped with my boyfriend, but it was raining so we couldn't and I was desperate. And then, I don't know, he said, OK, I know what to do. And we were going to a weird place, like it looked like a fairy tale, like there were ponies. And, I don't know, we... We were there, and they gave me some kind of white cloth made of silk, and I was, I don't know, worried. My boyfriend, he was so peaceful, he was okay, he knew everything was going to be fine, and I was worried. And I told him, I have to go to work, I have to go to work, and I would burst into tears because I had to go to work. And I didn't know what we were doing there, and I was worried. And he was so okay, so in peace, like, okay, don't worry, wait, they're fixing our problem, we're just staying here, give us some time to be together. And I remember me wanting to be intimate with him, but then all of a sudden, my father pops up, and other people, and my friends, and everyone, and I was losing time, I had to go to work, and it was late, it was late. And in the end, in the end I was in my car with another person and a kid, maybe that kid was my son, I don't know, but I had to really rush to work, but I, the time, it was too late. I started at 10 p.m. and it was late and I needed to text my boss that I was going to be late and I would take the wrong route and I was driving, it was so hard to get to work and then, I don't know, we kind of, it was weird and I never made it to work. And there was another part of the dream where I was laying on the grass with a bunch of high school friends And two of them were like talking about finals like they were studying for them preparing for them But like we were 30 like we are so I was like I don't know why you're doing this because I sometimes I Kind of usually dream of still being in high school and having to do my finals But then I realized while in high school that I don't need to go there anymore because I have a degree I went to college and also I have a job. I go to work every day So why am I what am I still doing here? I've already done all of this stuff and I Find someone to complain to it to explain myself to but then I never The dream ends before I can do that. So I was telling these two friends like what are you doing? We already have a high school degree. We don't need to do this. You don't need to do that I'm not doing that. I'm not at all and they were like well But we may have some problems in the future because maybe it wasn't a lot for what we did maybe it was I don't know they were saying a bunch of bullshit and I didn't care because I I Mean I didn't I really didn't care

15 Jul 2024

Dream

I was in this unfamiliar house. My estranged brother was showering upstairs. It was a long time that my brother didn't bathe cause his clothes was very musty but he also seem to not care. There was a long period of time my brother wasn’t bathing enough in my waking life and was often very smelly. It was really hard to be around him because he smelled so bad but it also seemed like he didn’t care. I went upstairs and his clothes was on the bathroom floor very stinky he went to the other room to get dressed. At some point it felt like my brother morphed into my abusive ex and he was getting dressed in the other room. Similarly to my brother there were long periods of time during my relationship with my ex where he didn't shower or took care of himself. He suffered with severe depression but it was often hard to be around him cause he smell so bad and he wouldn't shower. I had to adjust and get used to his lack of bathing because of his mental health condition. Due to his abusive qualities early on in our relationship he started to control when I would bathe. And I sometimes had to sneak to shower before he can tell me not to. Back to the dream I remember myself sneaking to take a shower because I was scared my abusive ex was going to force me not to bathe because he preferred my scent unbathed which I hated. I woke up before I finished the dream. But I remember the feeling of anxiety and worry of being forced not to bathe and trying to hide away from my brother then abusive ex.

11 Jul 2024

Dream

I was scheduled to have a DJ consultation meeting with my kids' former high school wrestling coach. He was getting remarried again for the third time and he wanted me to DJ his wedding reception. I DJ'ed the wedding reception for his 2nd marriage. Considering I am no longer vice president of the wrestling program and the fact I DJ'ed his last wedding reception, this was honor to DJ his 3rd wedding reception. We were meeting at an athletic facility. For some reason I was running a few minutes late to the meeting and was feeling anxious about it. I have a reputation for being a few minutes late in my personal life, but not with DJ consultation meetings and other activities. The wrestling coach and his fiance were already at the athletic facility. The lady that ran the venue drew attention to me arriving late by saying, "oh James is late" with a sarcastic tone as I entered the area. I apologize for being late and sat down. We were sitting in the bleachers at the score table. The threebof us were alll facing the same direction I was on the left the coaches in the middle and his fiance was on the right side . The venue lady was at her own small table on the gym floor. I started talking with the couple and as we were talking I remembered that his fiance had sent me an email outlining specific details for the wedding reception I didn't have a printed copy of the details with me. I only had my planning sheet the filled out per my request. I asked to look at her printed copy of the details. She had a big beautiful print out all the best photos I had taken at the coaches' previous wedding, some of my wrestling pictures , a picture of the logo for my nonprofit wrestling association and on the last page was the detailed instructions for the wedding reception that she had emailed me. I noticed that the beautiful print out was actually the email I had sent them originally. She had the pictures enlarged and made into a beautiful large 2 foot by 4 foot calendar style flip book. As we were going through the consultation meeting, I noticed there were other activities going on in the gym. It seemed like it was some kind of football combine or camp. I was able to see my younger son's head coach from the University of North Dakota sitting on a bench near the indoor track. I went over and talk with him and he shook my hand. He told me that the program was getting better. He told me about all the coaching changes that had happened after my son graduated. He said that slowly but surely the program was getting closer to the vision that I had for the football program. That was great to hear. Somehow I was assigned to check the grades of the players to make sure they were eligible. As I was going through checking the grades, if a player had a bad grade I would pull their name out of the list. I saw that my son's name was on the list and he had passed his math class with a B and an A in his other class. I told him great job passing the math class and he said, "I know." That was odd considering he had already graduated college. I noticed that there were five, maybe six other guys that had on the exact same outfit I had on. I had this red and white dress shirt with matching dress shorts on. I've never worn the outfit before, I was saving it for a special occasion. I was really surprised to see other people wearing it because I had bought it specialty shop in North Omaha. I was at a football event with college players other states and six people had on the same outfits. As I walked past someone wearing the same outfit, I would give them a head nod and make a funny expression like, "Say, what? We have on the same outfit!" After talking to the third or fourth guy, I said we should all get together and take a group photo of us wearing the same outfit. The fourth guy said he would help organize the group photo and we should all meet at 1:00pm. We had 35 minutes for him to get everyone organized. He said he really didn't want to be in the photo but he would take the photo. I told him he should be in it and have his girlfriend take the photo.

11 Jul 2024

Dream

It was night time, I was at my hometown and it had just poured so everything was shiny from lights refectling off the wet surface. I was in an older car kind of like a Cadillac. It was still drizzling so the wipers were turned on. We went under a traffic light that was green, and then ended up about 10 minutes down the road in the next town. We turned left at another light down to a local grocery store called ShopRite, but the place wasn’t as it usually is, it was in a quarry type place and all of a sudden its day time and now we’re in a rush to get back to where we came from and as we leave we pop back to the first traffic light and it’s dark again and this just repeats. I feel that I am looking for someone and in a rush, but don’t know why. I feel anxious and overwhelmed the entire time. I think my step dad is the driver but it could also be me too.

8 Jul 2024

Dream

I had several dreams kinda rolled into one last night. I was on a family and friends vacation. Some people I recognized some people I didn’t. But it was overall a fun dream! In the beginning it wasn’t as fun. I was feeling really anxious and uncomfortable and kept hearing something about shadow crystal and smoky quartz. In my waking life I had been thinking about moving my rose quartz pillar in the windowsill next to my bed and replacing it with my smoky quartz point. Anyways my anxiety was getting worse and worse and I couldn’t find the smoky quartz. In my dream I was checking all the places I’d thought it was in my waking life like my backpack pockets and things like that but I couldn’t find it. I finally found something similar to it on my husbands bookshelf but that one had some yellow inclusions and I didn’t know what they were but they were very pretty. The only way I k ow to describe that crystal was almost alien with the circular yellow inclusions almost like bubbles that have bubbled up from the inside. As it it had been boiled and then flash frozen to maintain the bubble shapes. It was really cool and also not what I was looking for. Finally I ended up locating my amethyst crystal and when I picked it up it was as if all the anxiety just drained out of me and I could finally breathe easily. It then switched more to the vacation vibe. There was one part where we were in this open air space with a bonfire and some music playing and lots of children running around. And there was one kid who had grown attached to me. Idk if it was my kid or somebody else’s in the family/friend group or what. But I seemed to be either in charge of that kid or had developed a bond. We danced and played and when she was ready to sleep I would ask her or she would tell me and then we would get comfy and I would rock her or lull her to sleep. I could actually feel her in my arms and feel when she laid her head on my chest. It was nice. Then it skips a lil and I remember it was me and one of my friends, I think it was Audri, decided to have a girls day the last day. Did some shopping which was nice cuz I never really get the chance to buy things for myself. And then went to a bar. There were some people that had came with us on vacation at the bar already. For some reason I was fully ignoring one of them. Like at one point I completely turned my back to them and I still don’t really know who they were. We enjoyed our drinks at the bar and at some point ended up moving to a table. The bar scene changed ever so slightly to include a children’s area off to the right and some comfy massage chairs to the left. We as a group were discussing the plans for that night and apparently My husband, Marty, had setup all the plans for it. Everybody was really excited! Then some kid started freaking out and screaming just throwing a huge tantrum. He was a little white boy with blonde hair and I think he also had blue eyes. Maybe age 6 or 7. We didn’t know this kid but it turns out the children’s area was mostly for orphans and this kid was an orphan. Everybody was like one let’s get out of here this kid is ruining the vibe. But I wanted to stay and see what happened because I was curious. How would the caretakers handle this?? His tantrum ended up bringing him over to my table. And I was able to calm him down. To me he just seemed troubled and like his feelings were hurt. He asked for some of our food and I did give him some but then he started acting pretty mean and we talked about it and he calmed down. But then it happened again as we were getting ready to leave. He wanted to come with us and we had told him know so he was being mean again. So I took him back over to the play area and told him why he couldn’t come with us and that he was being mean and he started crying and screaming he was sorry. And I left and didn’t look back but I remember thinking this kid is just so hurt and and lashing out I hope somebody chooses to love him. Once outside of the mall area I saw my dad and he was saying we should hurry back to the hotel to get ready cuz we would be leaving for the Marty Night soon. He also dropped something and I saw him pick it up while he said this. I also remember that we were standing on a slightly curved declining area during this convo. He also told us some people may already be ready and waiting outside so we hurried along and the. I woke up.

5 Jul 2024

Dream

The dream was me and Ryan (my boyfriend) driving home talking about the concert from the other day and how we needed to find housing for the next concert. We see that small little motel is being built so we decided to stop and look. Ryan gets out first and once I did I regretted it immediately. I felt unsettled, scared, I was so terrified. Two other men where around trying to act "casual". I screamed and demand Ryan to open the door because they were locked. I screamed and begged as my feelings got more and more overwhelmed. Someone walked over to open the door to try and robbed us and I looked at him screaming in fear, distress, anger. "Are you trying to robbed us?!" As he backed off nodding. I screamed my head off and begged again till my anxiety woke me up. Hated that.

5 Jul 2024

Dream

I dreamt that I was with my family, my father, brother, stepmom, and members in a house or vacation rental. With each day of our stay at the rental, there was an accumulation of clutter such as boxes, bags, magazines, toys, books and luggage, carry-on, etc. As time lapsed only a path remained open to allow for movement within the house. As the clutter accumulated, so did my anxiety and frustration grow the unhealthy environment. In another part of my dream, I was driving at night on a busy thoroughfare. My father was sitting on passenger side, making unhelpful comments about me to which I got very angry and snapped back at him. The dream seem to continue with another part where I had returned late from my summer vacation. I was reporting to work very late, long after the initial meeting had started. I didn’t know what to do or what was going on, and I felt embarrassed. There was a college class I was taking and I knew I couldn’t or didn’t have the first paper that was due that day.

3 Jul 2024

Dream

I was in the mental hospital, but I was the only one there, no patients and no RA’s were there, nobody behind the desk, and all the doors were opened. But my anxiety was too high for me to leave, even though the door was open I couldn’t bring myself to go through it. I felt like I was doing something wrong but I just waited, hoping someone would come. Nobody did. I starved to death.

2 Jul 2024

Dream

It was summer but came a lot of snow like it has been in finland this year. and i was on bus stop on my way home. saw my ex best friend on there and she was talking facetime with someone and speaking russian even though she doesn’t in reality speak it. i do which was super weird. suddenly there was a lot of people and old friends and i had almost an anxiety attack. there was about couple of minutes left for my bus to arrive. 2 cops came there and they found a body under the snow frozen and dead. i took it for a minute and gave it back. when my bus came i jumped in it and later i saw it went to wrong direction.

2 Jul 2024

Dream

I was at my mums house with my nan who has passed in my waking life and my son, I was meant to have an operation done on my back that had been booked for ages, but I forgot until the day of the appointment. I called the hospital to explain that I had the following Mondays date in the diary as today was a bank holiday - I was telling a white lie. They said I could go down asap, I said I’d be a few hours due to having to sort out my son, my dogs, my husband, and my nan!… My nan laughed when I said what I did about getting her ready, so did I, but I did say that I had been looking after mum, whilst she had a broken arm and paul with his broken leg for the last 3 months, so it was kind of true - looking after mum and paul my husband actually happened in my waking life. I was calling my husband on his phone but it wasn’t connecting, so I rang his work phone and he answered, I asked him what was going on with his phone, he said he didn’t know. I said to him that it was strange how he had gone back to his home town and now there’s problems with his phone? - in my waking life, my husbands home town was a place filled with very toxic friends and people, he hasn’t been in touch with them for a long time. My husband was previously married to a woman from there who he consistently cheated on, took drugs and drank a lot. He was also quite violent under the influence of these. Now he is a very different man, we live the opposite end of the country and live very differently to how he used too. In my dream he was in hospital, but I’m not sure why? When I was getting ready to go to the hospital to have my operation done, I was doing my hair, trying on different weave, then remembered that I wouldn’t be able to keep it in, so took the hair out and had my own hair. Im sure I was walking to the hospital and I’m sure it was raining? When I would usually drive and I’m sure my nan and little boy where with me? I got to the hospital, I was looking for my husband, but couldn’t find him, it felt like he was cheating or lying to me in someway? I had the same feelings I did when I first started dating him in my waking life, anxiety, knowing he was lying and that I had to find out why he was lying and what he was doing? The nurse in the hospital showed me where to go to get ready for the operation. I have just had the operation my in my waking life, so I wasn’t sure why I was having another one in my dream? I just knew that I had to have it done to relieve me from pain - the same reason I had the operation done in my waking life….

1 Jul 2024

Dream

We are Moving out of Karratha. Lived at a house looking like the chalet from reunion where grew up. But the place is owned by Richard and Britney fiends in Karratha. Britney was there and I said I needed time to move things out this morning. She was in conferences and left me to it. The house a swimming pool. While packing I saw forgot a lot of item in the corner of a room looking the room that I had when was child back in reunion living on my parents chalet. Britney had a dog and was scared of it when she was not there. I found some pants and 2 chargers and 2 sthill batteries in the corner with a divorce looking like a converter not sure what it was. I got anxious because I felt I should already be gone. I was sure where Britta was.