Hatred

24 May 2024

Dream

I don’t remember the exact situation of the dream, but the overall feeling of it was rejection. It was rejection of being bisexual, but to a degree of hatred and actual violence as a response. It was all dirsected at me, and the people doing it were people I knew and thought wouldn’t have cared like my family.

19 May 2024

Dream

My husband gets a call from a family member of his ex saying she needed to be picked up from jail. I come with him because I don’t trust her motives. Along the way we get in a different car, which I assume is her car. One of her female family members is waiting in the car. She gets out of the front passenger seats and sits behind my husband. My husband is driving and I’m next to him. As we’re waiting a male family member of hers hands me a letter and sits in the back middle seat. I open it and I find out things about my husbands past that I never knew before. He had a different middle name. His life with his ex was deplorable. His children were barely fed or clothed, and they couldn’t afford anything. As I’m reading through all the documents his ex gets in back seat behind me clearly upset that I’m present, and in the front seat of her car while she’s in the back. As we’re driving I noticed her facial expression is full of hatred towards me but I ignore it and get comfortable by reclining my seat and propping my arm up on the seat. She grabs my hands and tells me how much she hates me and that she should break my thumb. Her male and female family members tells her to stop but she continues on. I calmly look at her hand and proceed to remove her hand from mine. As I’m preparing to fight her I wake up.

7 Apr 2024

Dream

At my grandparents with my brother and getting on the back of the four wheeler and being chased he spee up the hill to his friends house bit it looks totally different from in real life there's a fence and a maze walkway to the door of his friends house it's r rally dark out and we see bright lights in the field behind the trailer. There are the giant dark skeleton things pushing these machines over the ground. Suddenly we re behind the trailer and there's more fence and hanging tarp one of the skeleton things looks in our direction and begins coming towards us across the field. We try to quickly hide I roll under the tarp and my brother plays dead right outside the tarp. I keep saying Craig get in here but he doesn't move I was scared for our lives. The skeleton pushed his machine as I watched he rolled it right over my brother's head as I watched and did nothing I felt my chest crushing and I didn't do anything to save him I layed there I felt like I was dieing inside my muscles felt like they were ripping off of my bones and I woke up gasping for air in teats and cried and screamed I felt all that pain in my body and felt hatred towards myself for not saving him. I have dreams of him dying I'm different ways all the time and I try to save him but never can I feel like I get so close then he dies horrifically right in front of me eveytime. I can never save him

14 Feb 2024

Dream

I dreamed about my daughter on a swing and there was a black cloaked silhouette standing next to her and reached out to her. I screamed stop and broke the glass wall. I was finally able to save her but the figure turned towards me and I felt hatred emerging from it.

12 Jan 2024

Dream

I was in a plane with a group of friends we were flying over snowy mountains when we came across a field with a small airport so we landed in the field and got out we started walking through the deep snow when we came across tire marks in the snow we decided to follow them in the distance we noticed red in the tire marks when we got closer we realized it was blood I looked farther ahead and noticed an army truck on the other side of a bridge that went over a ditch but before the bridge and to the left was more blood and bodies in the snow me and my friends ran to the battle field to see if we could help but all of them were dead except two soldiers who told us to get out of there and to run the soldiers got up but before we could do anything a grenade was thrown at our feet we all ran towards the army truck but while everyone else jumped over the ditch me and one of the soldiers hide in it and when the bomb went off the blast was big me and the soldier ducked and I felt a pressure on my back then my friends and the other soldier came back to the ditch to help us out they then took us to the airport building that looked like a warehouse my friends then left me with the soldiers because I got hurt and the people there could help but I was upset and didn’t want to be left behind my friends then got back into our plane and flew away I watched them leave through a window trying to sleep but not being able to I watched the plane get farther away thinking about how the tail of it looked weird I was then suddenly in a different airplane I was flying it with another person there was a narrator talking about how the plane had to be flown by two people to fly we were then landing and when we finally did land we were surrounded by a big group of people the narrator then said that this was a sad story and didn’t have a happy ending I then got out of the plane but my arm got stuck in the propeller I was going to die slowly and painfully and was scared and panicked I told the group around the plane to shoot me as it would be a fast way to die I started crying a little as no one wanted to I begged some one to shoot me and someone finally walked forward with a pistol they were shorter then me so they had to reach up to put it against my head but when they pulled the trigger the bullet flew over my head grazing the top of it this happened again and again and again none of the bullets hit me all of them flying over my head I was so upset that I took the gun from them and put it to my temple and pulled the trigger it hurt but it didn’t kill me I was confused, scared and upset that it didn’t work I didn’t want to die slow and painfully so I begged the people to kill me and they tried but nothing worked my face and body were riddled with bullet holes I was covered in blood but I still wasn’t dead then my parents showed up and I asked them to kill me and they were reluctant and didn’t want to but I begged them and they agreed they sat me in a chair and I started crying thanking them for doing this for me I could tell they were still sad about having to kill me though but I was too relieved that I wouldn’t die from the propeller I then felt an uncomfortable pressure and slight pain in my temple where I shot myself I reached up and felt a bump it was a bullet I then squeezed it out and held the round bullet in my hand it was small and bloody my mom then came up to me and grabbed my head that’s when I realized that my face was falling off from all the damage done to it my mom then took my face saying that she’d keep it for memories I saw my face in her hands and almost laughed my face was so weird looking it looked flat and smushed I was then hit with self hatred and sadness I was ugly now I didn’t have a face just a bloody mess of meat and bone and my body was covered in blood and holes I probably looked like a monster I started sobbing covering where my face used to be and crying my dad then approached me with a rifle he had a sad look on his face I then thanked him and my mom profusely because they were going to finally kill me and then I told them that I loved them then my dad shot me in the head I then opened my eyes to find myself in a room with a table and chairs at the table were two girls one of them was smaller than me with black hair and wearing a dress the other was around my height but I couldn’t see her face I could tell that I was friends with the two girls but didn’t know who they were the table was littered with pieces of paper and pencils and there was a single computer I then sat down in one of the empty chair to wait until I would die