Depression

15 Jul 2024

Dream

I was in this unfamiliar house. My estranged brother was showering upstairs. It was a long time that my brother didn't bathe cause his clothes was very musty but he also seem to not care. There was a long period of time my brother wasn’t bathing enough in my waking life and was often very smelly. It was really hard to be around him because he smelled so bad but it also seemed like he didn’t care. I went upstairs and his clothes was on the bathroom floor very stinky he went to the other room to get dressed. At some point it felt like my brother morphed into my abusive ex and he was getting dressed in the other room. Similarly to my brother there were long periods of time during my relationship with my ex where he didn't shower or took care of himself. He suffered with severe depression but it was often hard to be around him cause he smell so bad and he wouldn't shower. I had to adjust and get used to his lack of bathing because of his mental health condition. Due to his abusive qualities early on in our relationship he started to control when I would bathe. And I sometimes had to sneak to shower before he can tell me not to. Back to the dream I remember myself sneaking to take a shower because I was scared my abusive ex was going to force me not to bathe because he preferred my scent unbathed which I hated. I woke up before I finished the dream. But I remember the feeling of anxiety and worry of being forced not to bathe and trying to hide away from my brother then abusive ex.

12 Jul 2024

Dream

I was in my house. I was speaking to two friends and each of them were describing the house they rent. Then my father came and got in bed and we were trying to ask him how his apartment was. He seemed very depressed. But he said his apartment was cute. I felt sad and guilty for him.

29 Jun 2024

Dream

I don’t remember as much of my dream. But I remember I was staying in this attic like place with my abusive ex. I went to a hospital-like place I was seemingly working there. I was looking for another job which I think would be my third job. I was wearing an outfit that I think was nice. And my co-worker and friend who I don’t recognize in real life but seemingly was my friend in the dream told me you look good girl and told me I needed to take a picture. He snapped a few photos of me and I remember I started to feel really good about myself. I realized I didn’t want to go home cause that’s where my ex is at. And he probably was doing nothing at home. Maybe playing video games and being depressed which he typically did. When we were together in real life he played a lot of video games and he suffered with severe depression and suicidal ideation. I often felt obligated to him. Anywho my friend encouraged me that I should leave him because I’m taking care of him and me even willing to take a 3rd job while he did nothing. Which is true IRL except I only had 2 jobs. I went back to the attic-like place we were living in ready to let him know I was unhappy being and living with him and he needs to leave. The next dream I remembered was logging into my full-time job on a weekend for a meeting. I was in this warehouse type place. A lot of executive folks were in the meeting. And I joined the virtual meeting but I was completely naked. I spent most of the meeting thinking the other people in the meeting didn’t realize I was naked because I didn’t look at the screen of myself at some point of the meeting I looked at the screen and I was completely naked. I rushed to turn off my camera and put a robe on. I didn’t think anyone noticed because no one said anything in the meeting. Then at some point towards the end of the meeting one of the executive leaders said they were going to speak to me and felt I was going to get in trouble. Then the next thing I remembered was me being in a room with this US white female military officer who I knew somehow. She was working closely with this commanding officer at another country’s there was an operation that went badly and she sensed the US was covering up what happened that day and blamed the other country so she started working with the foreign commanding officer to get to the bottom of it. At some point this commanding officer became a Black woman and I was speaking to her and I told her you need to let this go because you and your family is in jeopardy if you keep snooping around on US operations that they want to keep secret. Also working with a foreign commanding officer is also putting her in jeopardy. I also asked her what if the US isn’t lying and you find out they were telling the truth and the foreign officer is lying. I think you would’ve invested time on something that would’ve disappointed you. She told me she would be fine her son who I think is a teenager just started dating someone and he’s happy. And she wouldn’t let anything drive her away from where she lives today. We both got really emotional about her son dating someone and the fact that he’s growing up. Then I connected with this other guy who is in his her team who told me he was nervous of all the time she’s spending with the foreign officer to uncover this truth. Because he has a deep crush on her and now he’s worried he lost his chance because of all the time she’s investing with this foreign officer maybe now they’re falling for each other. I think I told him I will find out for him. At some point we all went outside and we were living in this very cold city. Very city-like, like where I was born and raised in Boston and cold and snowy. We decided to go for a quick walk and one of the team members I was also friends with was going really slow and the other ones went faster than her. They all smoked cigarettes but she’s the one that smoked the less but was the slowest. When we got back I told her you need to do more exercise; she needs to walk at least 2 miles a day rain or shine to get her momentum up. All the other team members agreed. We sat down at this outside coffee shop and decided to order food. It was really cold and I think it was snowing but we still decided to eat outside. I had very little money in my spending account for the week until I get paid again and I think I already had lunch so wasn’t that hungry so I decided to only get a hot drink. One of my friends there sat with us and then told us she’s gonna go in to work, so she worked there. She rattled off the specials and told us she will be back to take our orders. I re-arranged where I was sitting. I noticed the red lobster near us was closed down. My last dream was me being walking to the city bus station. I was again in this very city-like place unlike where I live now and looked more like my hometown of Boston. I walked past this building I thought was beautiful and where I wanted to live next. I get to the Bus station and a lot of the buses that came were taking a break. I remembered it was really late like past mid-night but the station is still pretty crowded. Several of us went through this bus to get to the other side. I was behind someone and the bus driver put this sign on the door after some people went through the bus to get to the other side and close the door before the person in front of me was able to cross through. I decided to go around and eventually I noticed the bus driver reopened the door and let the person in front of me cross through and he was leaving the door the open so I can do the same. I can’t remember if I went back to cross through or if I kept on going around but I did make it to the other side. And I was waiting for the next bus.

15 Jun 2024

Dream

I was playing a game as a mother for her child (the game was in a cartoony style) and the mum had a husband and they were always fighting with each other. The daughter asked me ‘Mum, why are you and daddy fighting again?’ Super duper innocently. I can’t remember what I replied with but then I played as a boy who was in a village and he wanted to feel the ocean and it reminded me of the movie ‘Moana’ because she wanted to explore over the seas. However, I kept on getting caught by the chief of the area. The area was remote but it had houses of course since it was in a rural area. I then managed to escape and then I jumped over the sea on to the land. Soon, I found a cliff and jumped so powerfully I drowned deep into the water. Then I played as someone else but I never knew what happened to me when I drowned earlier because there was no conclusion but I assumed that I just lasted in the sea and died there looking all sad and depressed. I then saw another remote village and then I woke up

11 Jun 2024

Dream

I had 2 dreams. In the first dream, my grandmother who passed away was in her room sitting on her bed. A few of her grandchildren came in her room. She told us in the dream that it was important to pray to stay connected to God. I kneeled down at the foot of her bed and listened to her. I bowed my head. I woke up from the dream and the thought came to me about being humble. I went back to sleep and had another dream. Alot of us young adults who are best friends and cousins were in a really nice, fancy hotel in Myrtle Beach South Carolina or some beach hotel. We gathered in the room & we were talking and eating. We sat on a couch and the phone rang. It was my mom checking on me making sure I was okay. I told her I was okay and sat back down on the couch with my friends. Someone then walked through the door. It was my mom. I was shocked that she and my dad would drive 3 and 1/2 hours just to briefly check on me. She was happy to see me interact with my friends because I had been depressed for 2 years ever since my best cousin passed away. My mom assured me that the distance she traveled didn’t matter as long as I was okay. I was doing better but then i thought about how much my mom loved me because of the distance she and my dad traveled to see me. I also thought about my best cousin who passed away and I began to cry. My friend Ralph who I dated and am close to began to comfort me and hug me as the tears ran down my face. What’s interesting is my best cousin who passed away was on the same couch with us! It was as if he never passed away. I miss my best cousin so much.

8 Jun 2024

Dream

I had a dream of my dad needing to go the hospital but then his face fades and his face is blurred and I tell my mom his depression must be back when his face is blurred which my dad is mentally sound and very healthy and he has to go over his shoulder which I can fix my self his demeanor matches my best friend and its really hot outside and we end up going in an ambulance

8 Jun 2024

Dream

A man who had my father's face but then the face faded and he had to be rushed to the hospital over a shoulder injury that I could fix in a place I've never seen before then later on I said mom it's just his depression when my dad doesn't have depression

27 May 2024

Dream

I was gambling with my dad and friends. My dad won $150 dollars from me and I got really upset. I was very sad and depressed because I lost that $150 dollars, so I started thinking about commiting suicide and I did cut a smile on my face like the joker. After my meltdown I had to go to a school assembly and I was covering my mouth because of the cut I made

21 May 2024

Dream

Why I keep dreaming about smoking weed all the time with my mom every day with her and she realized that the weed is not harming me it's helping me with my appetite, my depression, anxiety, and stress. I just want to know why that my dad is telling me to take the weed that pence from my sister's house and I just want to smoke it right now and smoke weed with my mom

18 May 2024

Dream

Train trip to Hakone Somehow it’s very cloudy Everyone on board(and by everyone i mean like five ppl whose foci of this story is on) this one mysterious boy He looks like a girl and a boy, is a femme fatale of sorts to them Of five, three-four die (indirectly) owing to him/them He basically spends time with all of them Kaze to Ki no Uta style(destructive short-lived rendezvous/encounter with the Fatal Beauty that turns into a gothic chase through the mists through the nights in the mansion in the woods that prompts them to go insane style) They’re recounting their encounters on their way back home(all of them are from the foreign lands I think, most from Europe) This is like the mid-70’s, 80’s ish so there’s that Tama district-like hazy and idyllic feel to everything They’re talking abt the war and how it/teh rapid westernization that happened in the region/the increased contact with the ppl caused white ppl in general to see the Asiatic ppls(mainly Filipinos, Central Asians and some Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, etc.) as an exotic subject of their fantasies and ‘art’ In the idyllic sceneries of the rural Tama district where laundries, banners and the forest canopies coexist they keep recounting shit on the rooftop floor of the tram train and now we’re at a part where they talk abt how the ppl who got their psyches messed up by the boy from earlier Apparently they were all writers/artists/intellectuals who promised to reunite together and start an intelligentsia club for some idealistic goals of enlightenment or just. This vague idea of ‘the better future’ and the revolution of the world for the democratic world or whatever in the recluse area/Villa(think Lion’s club but for less ppl combined with those modern-traditional Japanese architectures mixed together for those inns) of Hakone But then this boy happened and now everyone got done messed up to a degree so we gotta head back One of them, a woman from Swiss/Italy who writes novels had to go back to her country because of that Psychosis and clinical depression, on her way to recovery apparently Is much more mellow and less cheery/sweet than before Other are brothers; they’re much worse ‘cause they’re still recovering in some mental hospitals Dark dingy mansion like the Miyagino Heights Almost a murder-suicide cuz one of them just so happens to have been a tad more disturbed and had their psyche done messed up by the boy and the other was a lil possessive of his ‘crush’ oop🫢 Other is fairly well-off but now done got Serge Battour’d(aw hell nah he plagued by occasional bouts of mild melancholia and an undying unconditional love for de boy now😭bro’s only source of somewhat mild episode of melancholy is a bpd pussy nahhhh💀); still alive and well enough to talk and has retained his fair and kind disposition so all is well; rip to yo mayfly-December lover the whole chat loves yo ass Now onto the more violently affected one He done got fucked UPPP cause like after meeting him he had flashbacks of the war And his experience as an ex-legendary merc in hiding/retirement fucked him up so good he jumped into the river with his whole body bloody and gone What rly happened was that he got haunted and taken over by the ghosts from the past and this indescribable sense of imminent dread and doom And started chasing the ‘demons’ down to the river(this is like a mix of the Yumoto river and some fuckass river in the deep deep forests of Denmark or whatever after he went back home) He’s running and parkouring on the rusting metal bridges(thin bridges for those electrical cables and the ropeways and stuff) Basically his opps(his past enemies as the ghosts he hallucinates(or did he???)) got him verbally cornered and stuff by looming over and haunting and shit as The Voices™️ He evades the bullets by the hair’s breadth till certain points but eventually his limit comes and he gets blasted through his spines and shit by the shotgun shells He falls either into the nearby woods or has his body blasted into a bloody put by the opps and falls into the river/riverside All of this are speculations recounted by the living friends of his but their tones make it sound like a solemn narration in those gothic thriller novels more than anything so likely they knew what went down Another case of this and here’s the thing These two cases resembles what went down in a novel written about a decade back that became a bit of a sensation in Europe this whole thing reeks of deja vu basically Or prophetic dreams Thr train goes through like, everywhere(Hakone, the more city-sided parts with laundries hanging out, the Todoroki gorge area, the parts with the forest canopis and laundries hanging out together, and such/bed-town like parts of Tama district…) When the stories are done the peeps start getting off the trains on each stops(Hakone, Futago Tmaagawa, etc…) Galactic Express style Once there’s only a few(out of already few left) left on board and on the train’s remaining stops, I ask Hayao Miyazaki-mixed-with-Serge-Battour’d-person if I can hang out w him He says yes in this pleasantly joking, old-mannish manner After I wake up the first song that came to me was ‘And now I know how Joan of Arc felt’ song I think the boy who mesmerized the whole team was like, a ghost of a lonely who just sort of wanted company and was trying to reminisce his days with his own Serge Battour Love-starved boy, Gilbert Cocteau Who braved through the sea of prejudice in his passionate, vulnerable manner

1 May 2024

Dream

i was in bed and i had to pee really bad but i didn’t have the energy to get up at all and then i started to brush my hair in bed wondering how im going to use the bathroom without energy and i was really depressed. i felt empty and depressed.

28 Apr 2024

Dream

My dream started with me and my dad in a room and we're opening up his dad's will and safe he was keeping for my dad when he passed away. My dad thought that his dad left him a million dollars, but what his dad actually left him was a really nice green card that had pictures of myself as a little kid and my sister as well. It was a very touching card and the date on it was 11-11-11. The second thing my dad pulled out of the safe, or my dad's will, was this big bronze Decoration that was pulled out of the Denver Broncos stadium. My dream shifted to me being in a building that had escalators and elevators. I was able to run into one of my friends who I haven't seen in a while and make amends with him. That was nice. the dream shifted again to my final dream which was watching Jim Carrey. Seated at a dinner table by himself. You can tell that he was in his head and kind of depressed. Each time he drank more and more and turned into a more amplified personality. When it was time for him to leave he wasn't going to pay and the Asian owner and his employees were forcing him to pay. It was clear that Jim Carrey was a regular and regularly didn't pay his bills. He had a balance that was not fulfilled from previous payments. They had people blocking each door to prevent him from leaving. Eventually, Jim Carrey was talking to the bartender and the bartender made him a deal. Every shot that we take, he gets to reduce his payment. My scene shifted to the next morning when people entered the restaurant and weren't able to find Jim Carrey or the bartender. The owner of the restaurant comes in, kind of worried, not able to find his employees. He goes outside and the manager of the restaurant is in a blue car with broken windows. His nose is bleeding and he said that someone came and attacked them. In his backseat, there was a lot of blood from people who were either stabbed or killed. The owner of the restaurant was screaming with anger at whoever did this. The dream ended.