I Dreamt Of Suicide

This dream was about

I dreamt that I commited suicide. I was just given a pill of something from my mother and we sat down with my family to eat. I ate up all my food and suddenly my heart started getting weaker. I could just feel it stop beating slowly but surely. And then 3 hours had passed and I said to my mother "I don't want to die. Can I have my stomach pumped?" And she told me "Yes, you can." And I remember we went walking for a while before we got into the car and drove to the hospital. On the walk my sister Ida called my teacher and told me that i had swallowed 350mg of something. My teacher told Ida "Ida, you've got to understand that Sarah is moving up." And I started regretting that I had taken the pill. I remember being on and off by falling asleep. And when we actually started driving to the hospital another teacher named Sam called my mother. I don't think my mother answered the call but I remember we drove up a road and then I woke up. I can also remember that throughout the dream I very often thought "Jesus I have told you so many times that I can't take this anymore. And that I want to die. But now I realize that I just don't want to die anymore." I remember that I also thought that maybe Jesus would give me an option that if I met Him, He would ask "Do you want to stay here? Or do you want to go back?" And I remember always thinking that I wanted to go back.