Suicide

13 Jul 2024

Dream

I was a begger on the street. My clothes were rotten and torn and I smelled awful. I was holding a sign and asking people for money, I felt so much shame and guilt for not being able to afford to live. Everyone was so mean to me, some people threw food at me, others spit on me, kids laughed. I felt like I wanted to die. So I pulled my pistol out of my shopping cart I was pushing around, and I shot myself in the head.

6 Jul 2024

Dream

I had a dream I took a trip to the moon where they were doing experiments on dreams and dream like states. I took part and in my dreams I saw things that could have been, such as meeting a great grandparent, having my dream job, getting married and having children. However, there seemed to be a realisation in my mind that I was happy with what I have in my waking life but I couldn't get out of this simulation. So I attempted to kill myself several times in this simulation before it would let me go. I did eventually wake up, and so did others who took part in the simulation.

5 Jul 2024

Dream

I was in a big tourist area with my dog, fudge, and my dad. There was lots of people and there was a big river or harbour infront of me and behind me there was a big tourist building like the one in Italy. All of a sudden there was a scream and I tunrned around and a man had jumped off the building to kill himself. He landed right infront of me and I saw his body splatter and break apart his head crushed and water and blood sprayed out. I got so panicked because I thought he landed on fudge but then I saw black fur under him and fudges fur is brown. But I still couldn’t find fudge anywhere until someone lifted up the man’s body and fudge was under there too. I picked him up and was trying to make sure he was okay but everyone was shouting at me “he’s dead Bethan he’s dead” like it was a chant and I was crying so hard I ran to a doctors near by and begged they would help him but then my dad appeared and my dad shouted “look at him Bethan, he’s dead” I looked at fudge in my arms and he was hanging over my arms with no movement. He was gone.

3 Jul 2024

Dream

I was at a school of some sort and one of the students there had committed suicide. I had a conversation with this person the night before their death, so the next day everyone was talking about it and what happened, and the last people he spoke to before he died. A lot of information was getting tossed around like there was some people who were encouraging him to kill himself, and i remember feeling scared that people thought i did this. I remember telling him i just wanted to be happy. I was so afraid that information was going to leak that i was somehow responsible for his death even though i knew I wasn’t. I kept getting pressure from my peers to share a poem about his death, but I didn’t feel comfortable because I was so afraid I was going to get caught somehow.

30 Jun 2024

Dream

Aparently I forgot to do some clothes so I was grounded for the weekend. My step dad and I got into a argument all I remember is over tying something I’m thinking shoes. Anyway we each had our own way of doing it. Sometime later my mom yelled at me so I couldn’t talk for some time. I told her what I remembered what happened and I think she calmed down. I don’t remember if a little after if I was still grounded or not. I do remember being dropped if early to school at track practice but I didnt look like my school more like my old school Georgetown charter academy which I left a few weeks into the 7 grade went home schooled for some months and then transfered to Jarrell middle school then now Jarrell high school about to be a sophomore. I do remember after my mom told me I was grounded for the weekend I said ima kill myself idk if it was in my head or I said it out loud I don’t remember her say anything so I’m assuming she didn’t hear me. I remember when we were talking outside I was telling what I remember happening and I think I swore on my life saying something like “I put it on my life it’s not what you think” or “on my life nothing to lose” Back in 6-7 grade I was going through mental things like suicide and self harm. I still think about it a lot

30 Jun 2024

Dream

Last night I dreamt that I woke up surrounded by the choas that eas in my bedroom the day Alan killed himself. Food, cigarettes, broken items, soiled clothing.

29 Jun 2024

Dream

I was fucking my girl and then we started making out and then I busted a nut inside of her and then she told me she wasn’t on birth control so then I freaked out and shot myself in the face but then I woke up and I had a robot face and I was destroying the planet and the earth exploded

29 Jun 2024

Dream

Is this one dream that I keep having every four years in the same time? Dream is very chaotic. It starts with me being a fan of a car race, which I'm at. There one car, I think it's number was 13, crashed. Oh, it crashed into a tree. It was going down from hell on a very skinny road. Underneath it, it was a river or it was on some kind of hill, I'm not sure. The racer who crashed was an old man. The whole car was lighted up and the man in the car was yelling for help. On the man, the tree he crash in the fall and he was stuck under the tree. Other fans who were watching it were yelling at me to run there and save the man. So I run to the road and try to save the man, but when I took off his helmet, I saw a skull of a man and he had a really disgusting face, he was like a zombie or something like that I was really scared and the man bit me and then the whole dream got blacked out. Then I was in my house and there were people around yelling that there are zombies trying to get into our house, that we should block it and go hide. My family was there, my mom, my dad, my grandma and her dog. Where I tried to hide, but everyone except me was eaten by the zombies. I end up hiding under my bed. Where I watched them being eaten alive, they were screaming and yelling for help. When the zombies left my room, I hid up on top of my wardrobe. Where I watched all the zombies being surrounded by the wardrobes around it, they were waiting for me to fall down and trying to get me. went over me. They... I somehow fell And they got to me and started eating me alive. It felt real alive. I really had a feeling that something was eating me up. They were biting off my muscles to the bone It was scary. It really hurt. I believe I was crying. I was yelling for help They turned me apart. They ate me, sucked my blood, and once they were done they left my body. I remember turning into a zombie because of them. I couldn't take it mentally. So, after a while, I saw if everything was devastated. Everything was abandoned. No one was alive left. Everyone who I knew was dead. It was just scary. I couldn't take it, so I took a knife and killed myself. I ended my life just like that. I couldn't live with how disgusting I was and what am I.

29 Jun 2024

Dream

I don't remember many of the details but I remember i committed suicide and my school held a memorial for me, it was a nice dream.

28 Jun 2024

Dream

I was at my old middle school, in the girls bathroom with two of my old childhood friends, doing last minute touch ups with our makeup before the big game. I had just finished my eyeliner when I looked up and realized I was in the bathroom alone. I tried opening the door to leave, but I was locked in and there was only one small tiny window above the sink, I definitely couldn’t get out that way. So I started yelling and banging on the door hoping someone would come let me out. But nobody came. I sat on the bathroom floor for hours, that turned in days, that turned into weeks. I felt hunger I’d never felt before. And I was so lonely. I eventually lost track of the time I spend in the bathroom. One day I woke up and there was a hand gun laying on the floor next to me. I ran to the door to see if I could leave. Still locked in. I picked up the gun and checked if it was loaded. It was. So I took the gun, put it in my mouth, and then I pulled the trigger. I watched my skull spray out onto the walls and my body fall over limp and make a soft “thud”. I watched my suicide from what seemed like the air itself that was in the room with me.

28 Jun 2024

Dream

I was at a friends house, with another friend of mine. We were having a lot of fun until we heard a noise in her basement. Since her basement didn't have stares, i don't know why, our friend jumped down and I went down a little after. We were listening to music while we were looking around her basement for anything that explained the noise we heard upstairs. We were searching until I found a phone..I recognized..it was my brothers phone. When I found him sleeping, I threw his phone at him and he got up. I asked why he's in our friends basement sleeping, he said that he was in the basement to sleep, he was trying to find us a car. He didn't like the fact I left. He kept asking me why I never taught him the way I learned to survive, gesturing to his arms as self harm. I kept telling him that I needed to leave before I fully committed suicide. I woke up after that, I don't remember the ending. Note, I haven't talked to my brother in over a few months, nor have I seen him in person the past 4 years.

28 Jun 2024

Dream

I was showing off a penthouse to a couple who were rich, when showing them the penthouse they was disappointed to see that it was untidy and didn’t look minimalist, in the dream I was using the excuse of it being an “artistic expression” but they didn’t seem too convinced, I was with a man who seemed to be my partner. I later had a dream in the penthouse that someone I care about was trying to commit sucide but I couldn’t get to them quick enough and I was panicking, this woman was trying to talk me out of seeing that person who was suicidal saying they would be fine