Shit

5 May 2024

Dream

I had a dream that I was drinking with thus person and he was someone I slept with bu I can't remember who he was and I went to the bathroom and saw he took a shit in the toilet and didn't flush so I flushed but then I flushed it and saw this piece of shit fly out then he started to ask why I was in there and i didn't want to embarrass him so I didn't say anything so I wrapped toilet paper around my hand and cleaned up the shit then I woke up

6 Apr 2024

Dream

My first dream: I was laying in bed snuggling jesse when my neighbor called, panicked. She told me, someone spray painted "it's gone" on a cookie and put it in my driveway. I told jesse and all he said was yeah I saw it. My second dream: I was upstairs, jesse was in the garage and he sent me 3 text messages. "I'm home now", "I went and hung out with Amanda by myself", and "I love you". I lost my shit because Amanda is the girl he cheated on me with in real life.

6 Apr 2024

Dream

me and my friend oz had gone to this place that was supposed to be a camp i guess? but in actuality we were both kidnapped,,, they would track how we would feel the entire time, it would be shown on a screen at the top of the ceiling. the main evil lady would tell me how i’m much more likely to “go insane” which sounds stupid rn but it felt REAL. i felt so trapped and terrible and it was not cool. ppl would ask me if i was a bad guy too bc on the screen it would show that i was the least scared? i realized i actually had my iphone so i was like “I NEED TO TEXT EVERYONE WHATS GOING ON!!” and the lady found out i had my phone and put this contraption on it before i could send it out. i had literally BRAWLED her, like i was punching the shit out of her. i had two strikes, and ‘something bad’ would happen after three. anywho she was like “haha if u can take this off than u can have ur phone.” so while i was trying to figure it out, i was walking around the place trying to get some clues on the contraption or how to get out. and i have stumbled upon uh… a human fridge. it was just full of dead ppl that were frozen. which is obviously scary. i was the only person who knew,, so when i came back to the main area, on the screen thing it showed that i was TOO scared, so they all the guards got suspicious of me and kept trying to ask me questions. i think i had tried to swoon one of them? anyways i finally opened the contraption for my phone and i texted everyone in a server i was in but no one would respond, and i texted my family and they wouldn’t either,, and somehow i had escaped after a FREAKY ass chase but oz hadn’t. and i remember thinking while i was driving some random mofos car like “i can’t go back but i can’t leave oz either.” and that’s where the dream ended😞 in the dream i think they were farming ppl which is horrific

5 Apr 2024

Dream

I remember one of the first dresms was inside my backyard Inwasndoingnsokerhint where inessntrtijgntongonogrrbthrnbrifkneslln but then after that I went to the table at the end of our backyard with my mom to spray paint on my clothes and a police helicopter dropped red paint all over me for some reason, I had to leave the house in the car to a grey day concert that my sister was talking about in the car there were so many people staring at me with the red spray paint but Indidnt care on the freeway the entire time that we’d do so I got into the car rolling the window down I remember when I went into the lobby area for the freeway race there was other people inside the girls locker room/ lobby aka preparation area and I had my things set down there next to tape so then I went and kept talking to people inside the locker room waiting going back and forth, and then when I got back in there was someone who I used to know before who was In my past but I didn’t care about them and then they came over to me trying to get my attention through doing things negatively, but Injust didn’t respond and got my stuff to change and get ready to go, while I left for one minute to the bathroom when I came back she was asking me questions like “Why would you do this to my own things huh? You care so much about myself that your a lesbian dyke reorganizing my shit.” and it was just my things coming back covered with tape on it next to hers which she purposefully stepped on to gather onto her clothes and my bags open which she unlogivslly somehow equated to me investigating her stuff , she was trying to get everyone else’s attention on her to create a problem, but then i responded calmly explaining how I don’t really care and that those things is clearly a problem with herself that she’s trying to projecting onto my life to make herself feel better about from putting me through making me look like i’m harassing her as the victim , she basically got upset from my non chalantness and everyone else inside of the room realized the situation from how i responded and just started ignoring her and acting like she was crazy, I didn’t care and I went out onto the kayaking boats on the freeway and while I was there, and inside the boats on the freeway she got next to mine and started saying in public “I’m still upset because I can’t believe you tried to steal my stuff” and then in response to that I started screaming since she was trying to get me evicted that l know she’s just lying about it when I only had my things next to her and had tape on my own yet she’s still trying to cause a fight about it because she’s determined to try and get me out because you just want to fight she hasn’t been relevant in my life for years and is still trying to live off of that to take advantage of it, when I said that everyone else was like “Oh girl. You should fight her back, Because if that was me.” and I remember instead of fighting defending myself to listen to them which got skyla to shut up and got them in trouble anyways while we were on the kayak boats after we accidentally got onto a escalator exit ramp that leads to the inside of a mall, i went inside there and there was a square room and as I kept progressing I was just in my thoughts relaxing but then I saw a girl who was crying in the middle of the escalator outside of the escalator on the sides of the room and I saw she was hurt so i went to her and hugged her saying “It’s ok.” and she kept crying, but then eventually after hugging her for a while after resting on my shoulders the entire time she said “You’re arms feel really strong.” and I got off from hugging her and she said “Oh your not the muscular man I was thinking.” and then I said “Yeah it’s because I have spray paint all over my hesd and body, but i’m ‘spanish.” I walked off smiling and I saw her happier and then when I went off the kayaking and down the escalator inside of the malll outisifenthe ecidt, I saw a group of my friends there ordering food and as I was trying to go to them to rrr was this man at the msll who was a security guard who I knew before that’s always trying to cause problems with me and to all my friends so he stood next to me and was about to do something but then he looked forward and saw the tripe double cheeseburger 49 he was obsessed with and he couldn’t stop staring at it so I just slowly left at the car for when we were going to the grey day concert my sister said, actually first what happened is we were all inside of this big bike neighborhood and it had a zoo inside, this neighborhood was for really good people in a community made by those who were well off, and as I got lost, before I got lost running out and going away from the people who dictate that I remember I went inside the original place and they said that we are a nuisance, as our family used to be one of the main leaders for that but now we’re in deep poverty which is ruining our reputation and image, and the image of them, so they couldn’t have us there but we’re deeply disgusted and dissapointed, and I said to them but does that dictate anything about us, and when my aunt was begging them around community she said yeah it does so i started going inside the place since this was the enterance to the community to find a way out away from them and I saw on my own a bunch of neighborhoods with people running bikes on each house, yet I was just trying to find a way out, and eventually when it got bad to a point where ai didn’t have much time left, I had to take someone’s bike to get out but I felt too bad stealing someone’s bike so I instead of ran all the way around the zoo area to find my house and get out of the dead end, and I did but it was behind and outside of the community entirely and when I got back we were in such poverty some homeless man tried stealing our car and things, so instead of pushing him out what I did was cooperate and say “Here instead of taking those things why don’t you take this,” and gave him 3 things and as I was gonna give more I said hold on and went back to the kitchen to grab pepper spray and a knife and came back spraying it to him to get him out with just those 3 items and he ran off but yet still broke the car door off our car and was so determined, but eventually we spoke through to him and he went up to us offering to help and then as we were leaving he just started stsying there helping out with the house too, and as I went into the backyard that’s when the spray paint thing happened etc, in the car with my mom once me and my sister got dropped off to the end of the freeway we were supposed to wait for my cousin and my aunt and mom to take us but what ended up happening is my sister had to take mom and my aunts car t the place but my cousin who said she was coming was apparently about to kayak me there, so waiting for her I looked everywhere on both sides for both the boats but I couldn’t find her, and I didn’t message her thinking communicating would send me back even further on time, so I just looked and after that I found one of the people from my school so I was going to get alisha and me to go into a kayak there on the freeway but then I went to the bathroom to check if she was there but then I saw someone else inside thet bathroom with their own stuff sitting half naked with shit in front of them and they were telling me about how they had a horrible day right now and were almost violently shitting inside that tub but I didn’t judge them instead I tried being understanding and said that sucks from how hard it’d be for them and that I thought they were actually my cousin at first but they were looking up to me having a conversation and then when I came back out I realized the kayaks were gone so i tried to call alisha but realized she had to go to the grey day concert without me so I was left back and abandoned by everyone else who was going to take me to there

1 Apr 2024

Dream

A black figure comes put from under my bed and lays on my chest. I can move and it feels so real. These always scare the shit outta me.

1 Apr 2024

Dream

I had multiple parts of this dream. First, I was walking through a train station or something, and there was a concert happening or something. The dj got mad at me for walking into their space, so he kept chastising me until the dj got beat up by someone I knew, because they saw that I was in trouble. Then, I was at a bar with some friends, we were truly shooting the shit, but I had lost track of time and forgot where I was supposed to be, so I was extremely late for work, and they were mad. They made me choose a bad movie as a punishment, but I couldn’t pick anything for the life of me. I think someone else showed up for a book signing and they wanted me to get this book signed. And then, I got home extremely late without telling anyone where I was gonna be, and they were worried. They thought I got kidnapped or something.

1 Apr 2024

Dream

It wasn't my last dream, but... I had a dream a while ago about me basically dying, but it was a little bit more than that. So me and my friend and her boyfriend were in a car driving on the way to go pick up some stuff from another friend. Um, and after we went and did that, we ended up leaving and while we were driving we were supposed to go meet somebody else, I'm not sure who. Um, this big storm came, like super windy, like it was dark outside, it was like pouring rain her boyfriend was driving And, I was in the back seat, my friend was in the front seat, and out of nowhere, my, the door where I was sitting just flew off. So I hopped in the front seat, and her and I buckled up together. And then the next thing you know, I was somewhere completely different, on this weird bus-slash-stage thing, it seemed like a prop or something, and all of these people were just singing, and they were happy but eerily happy. I don't know any of these people, and I don't know where my friend went, or her boyfriend. And, I'm like, what's going on? Where am I? Like, how did I get here? Blah, blah, blah. And all these people were dancing around me they had the biggest smiles on their faces. it was just so weird. Like, they were just so strangely happy, and that tripped me out. And then, I was like, uh, am I dead? And then, one of them was like, of course not, silly. And they just kept smiling at me, and singing, and dancing, and shit. And then I ended up teleporting to my grandma's house, and everybody there was pretty much acting the same, and they wouldn't tell me anything, it just seemed like they weren’t themselves. And then eventually I teleported to the house that I was actually in, in real life And the person that I had been talking to before I fell asleep was the one to tell me that I was actually dead. And I started crying and freaking out, saying no, I wasn't done with my life, I have a daughter, blah blah blah, just freaking out like that. And then I started trying to talk to God and talk Him into letting me stay. and basically he ended up saying no like I specifically remember him saying but you wanted this you asked me for this and like after he said that like I literally felt like my heart like break it was so vivid like i can still remember the feeling of that deep heartache. and then it was so dramatic but I dropped to my knees and then like this black shit came out of my chest and I just like wailed and then I woke up

1 Apr 2024

Dream

In my dream I found a huge like pentagon shaped building I went inside and found a little boy just behind a desk laughing it creeped md out so I ran further into the building. I somehow already knew it was a church in a way 🧐 as i walked around i came into this one room where some of the floor was just darkness and eyes staring at me, another room after that was plain pure white on the walls, and then went into the next room where it led to yk like a lift that decended. I was scared ASF 😭 but when I got off the lift I started walking and a sign pointed two ways one in white that said GODS ZOO and another but I forgot what it sayed I thought "GODS ZOO" would be a bunch of creepy monsters so I went the other way and found a girl laughing hysterical while she was behind a desk. I ran them slid on the floor asking why she is laughing so much she just continued to laugh and I asked her to stop which she did. I guess she told me to follow her because we ended up back at the front and was just talking and the boy from before was now accompanied by a man. They were both on the floor above us and I saw that the boy had a huge bag of gummy bears and I asked him to throw me a bag. He did throw it but the girl wanted some and I said she gonna have to catch me for it. I broke her ankles n all crossing her shit like crazy ⛹🏾‍♂️ but then the man that the boy was with wanted some as well he caught me reallllll quick and I was just in da floor sharing my candy while eating it. Me and the girl then went to go sit and eat pizza for some reason the chairs were connected to each other but some had tables and some don't. I asked her what this place is and she said Gods church. She also said she had a mark of (something) on her back and asked if I wanted one I promptly declined and said I know that's the mark of sin but she said it wasn't. We talked more then the boy came and talked w us the kid smelled my toes which I had only socks on I took off my shoes while we ran. Dude said my toes stink and I said yeah I know but then the girl defended me and said no duh he has been running all day. The man came and said he needed to borrow her for a few minutes. The guy went upstairs but the girl was trying to teach me how to use it because the stairs wasn't really stairs they were like moving circular platforms which there were 4 on each set and 2 sets to get up. She tried to teach me but I couldn't understand how because it kept moving each time I even tried to climb it but didn't work 🧐. The man was jus staring and told her "come now" and I told her to just leave me. I imagined us holding hands because I like her for some reason. ( I then woke up and went straight back to sleep) In this dream everything that happened last dream still happened the church n all but this time I had to figure out how I would have her be my wife and something told me to do it the church must be destroyed and rebuilt. I went and found the church but it was different this time it looked like a broken down house that wasn't leveled right fungus and mushrooms on the floor spikey possums drinking water from a fountain. I tried to get inside but the ground was to wet n slippery but then i look around and see a huge mushroom a white mushroom with suds all over the floor. The suds became alive and started shaping into like a 7ft female that started attacking me I tried to swipe away the suds because well it's suds but then it just regrew almost instantly. I ran to a little downward slope near the church but it was nothing but fog the closer down you get so I slipped down about half way as to not to touch the fog at all but before I could climb up the monster started grabbing me I promptly broke her arms(for suds it felt like it was a actual creature with bones) but that didn't last as it screamed its arms fixed and it grabbed me by the neck and I woke up.

30 Mar 2024

Dream

i texted my crush good morning in a weird joking way and he told me to shit up and we were just laughing and stuff for a long time

25 Mar 2024

Dream

I had two separate dreams last night the first one my mom had brought home a truckload of shit to put in the garage, which made me upset because we’re trying to clear out one of the garage so I can live in it, but we were able to make it work and all fit in one, and it was satisfying how organized it was afterwards My second dream all I remember from it is that my boyfriend broke up with me

23 Mar 2024

Dream

kind of about eric ig in another universe. briefly shows me / "toni" (short for tonisha i think) meeting and flirting with him for the first time in a theater esque situation at 15. similar shit goes down and i just don't see him after being reprimanded a few months before my 18th things haven't really improved. i'm in a sort of wayward teens program and we're on a field trip. i have a rambunctious beast friend similar to kayla who takes her daily meds but still acts weird. i've mastered the art of not taking i think we're visiting a hospital or living facility of sorts, and i'm aimlessly wandering until i see a familiar name somewhere. i realize he's staying there and don't really tell bff but try to but she's busy talking with one of the male wayward teens she likes. it's kind of a race to evade both building staff and the crew watching the teens but i make it shortly after some religious folks leave the room. i'm panicked thinking he's in hospice but slowly walk in. just by my heels he goes "toni?" i think he's "quenton" in this dream but we sort of awkwardly look at each other before he smiles and we catch up and gossip and he's fine i think just staying in an exclusive residential suite bc he wants to "find himself" and i guess can afford to. at some point things get hot and flirty and kind of weird in the you're still so beautiful but all grown up way but its so sexy to me lol. in the dream some actually ?? stuff happens and bff is there and i think i was just very in real life horny lmao so my dream had a porn like scene anyways it gets back to some sense of reality when again in the dream he leaves halfway through ~activities saying he'll be back and me and best friend cry like wtf but a more normal scene in this hellscape would be i fall asleep after and he says something i can't really decipher and when i wake up he's gone and the alarms are going off in the hospital again my dream gets crazy and there's an action sequence and the hospital explodes ?? but let's say i and some other patients from either program / facility escape without jumping out of a tall ass building. bff somehow makes it out too and she's pissed at me first bc her crush didn't make it out or got bright back to the state custody but we eventually shrug and kind of become street urchins idk if i have family or she does but we spend the next few weeks kind of making the city outside of the "dishonorable youth" program. initially im trying to find him but there are no leads and bff convinces me to give up. it hurts and i wander one more night in a shady alley that's somehow relevant (lmao i think its a college bar area near where he claimed to live during the catching up scene, suggestive / creepy comments and all) and these two east asian guys ask me what a sign says and i'm like "black cherry?" (it looks like a bar) they laugh and speak another language so i walk away and decide that's it, he's gone xmas eve comes, the day before im assuming my / toni's 18th birthday and there's a sliver of hope that there will be a Christmas miracle but im starting to wake up at this point so the last actual dream part was me standing in what was kind of like central park of ny all lit up and i was looking at this really tall light post that's bulb was super bright and i pretended it was a shooting star before bff is like let's get wasted my own ending i think is that i wake up hungover as shit with this guy snapping and going "hello?" and i think he's my shooting star come true on my birthday morning so im like "quin"?? and he says "who?" as the sleepiness leaves my eyes and he's just some college guy from a bar we went to. i blink before smiling and replying "ah, nobody" other parts in the dream that were probably "in order" before my own ending but i couldn't make sense of it in a linear manner include coming back to the hospital that's now in good condition with better security and we make a joke to the receptionists about the incident months prior which makes them confused first then surprised. i think we go the equivalent of jk, oh can we get these drinks? i also think i made note of not seeing his name on the visiting sheet as an option or something so it could have been during the "where's pedo" montage alternative ending i get some sort of real closure? it's been years of no contact atp and i think nye following my 21st and i see him at the event and he sees me. i don't feel the same butterflies and anxiety but just.. weird so i go somewhere less crowded to drink water and this time he followed me. vague small talk, some awkward silences, and then we both say im sorry. and he's like why are u sorry and while i feel like i have a reason i stop and frown and i just don't know. he goes you aren't because you don't need to be and talks about the regret of ruining my adolescence and that's why he ran bc while the night was fun and thrilling it wasn't right and wouldn't end in good for anyone. like how i'm on track in community college after getting my ged (which i mentioned during small talk) and he's in therapy and trying to talk to ppl his age *awkward pained but genuine laughter* we nod and look away nervously while ppl filter in and out of what's probably someone's penthouse kitchen. the ball drop is soon and he says my name and i instinctively look despite feeling ashamed be almost a dog on call, following every command. he says something goofy to lighten the mood but i interrupt and kiss him as the countdown starts. its brief but passionate and at five i go "goodbye, quenton" and run off to the glass/window walls as one approaches. bff is there with u troubled youth boy toy who's turned it around and she grabs my hand and i squeeze back as it's the new year. there's celebration and cheer and yelling and we hug and bff asks "so what's your first resolution" looking her in the eye with a smile and refusing to acknowledge the confused but all too familiar set of eyes i'm sure is on my back "to never look back" toast, cheers, etc noises as she looks confused momentarily but shrugs and smiles bc she may not get it but she /gets it/ and i do too, finally

23 Mar 2024

Dream

I had a dream I was shopping and then this lady appears and she was possessed or some shit and she goes ahead and attacks me so we baked her it was very traumatizing