Dream About Self Harm And Shame

This dream was about

I had a dream I self harmed on my thighs and I bit into my skin ,skinning myself. I hid these marks with a towel as I was forced to join my family at a restaurant, no one noticed but I felt terrible shame. The dream continue where I'm back in school, I'm a failure and I need punishment, I'm forced to drag my legs on the ground through course hot rocks. I'm treated with being electrocuted as there are live wires on the ground. Eventually I get stabed with needles for the fun of the other person. I felt the pain in my arms and back. They insisted it was my fault, that I should die. A man took me to a shelter, a church where they had genealogy books and passports , I was told I could alter the names if I prayed hard enough. I couldn't change the past. I remember they opened the book but section 2 was crossed out, instead it read ctye. There were lists and generations of names. I felt bad because they wanted me to change it by praying harder, but I couldn't. I left the church and watched a man go into a school and hurt the children there. I met a man , he knew what I did to my legs, while he was telling me I should stop, he died of a heart attack.