Trauma

22 Oct 2024

Dream

I had a dream that a girl who in the waking world said some very ego fueled, hate filled, and hurtful things to me including that I was a terrible mom, traumatic to have around children, and that she needed to surround herself with moms she could "look up too". This girl pretends she is enlightened and on a spiritual journey in which she empowers moms and women, meanwhile is completely awful individual when it comes to trauma she cannot understand. She has a 3 year old and projects a perfect marriage meanwhile her husband and her a miserable. I've been a mom for 10 and 8 years, and my daughters were born to extremely abusive men, the 2nd being a grandiose narcissist with psychopathic tendencies who made my life hell for 5 years. Any way, I had a dream that this girl texted me saying "hi it's lea", her name in real life is Georgia, and in my dream I even had her saved in my phone as Georgia. In the waking world I have her blocked, but still have her number in my phone. I knew she was lying about her identity in my dream because I have refused to forgive her for the emotional damage and false narratives she placed on me. I woke up angry because in the quantum, this girl has been harassing me for 2 years. She is an energetic vampire who has latched on to my energy and refuses to let go, despite cord cutting and akashic record writing. One time in a dream, she was in my home and stole my seat on my couch, I walked over to her and loudly stated "You didn't want me in your safe space, you do not get to be included in mine." And I feel that boundary held for a bit in the waking world, but she has returned to my dream world

5 Oct 2024

Dream

A man i really liked proposed to me and i said yes, but it sparked a war between families and everyone started killing each other. I saw people get blown up right in front of me and buildings get bombed. All I wanted was to just be with my fiancé but in the end he was too traumatized to be with me.

30 Jul 2024

Dream

I was getting my knees pierced. As they pierced one, it was like the whole world stopped, my body became numb, it was excruciating and at the same time I couldn’t feel anything. However it was so painful I decided to wait on piercing the second knee because I knew it would take a while to heal from the trauma of the first.

26 Jul 2024

Dream

I was a teenager living in a neighborhood with nice white houses with pretty roofs and all-cut lawns and I was still dealing with trauma and anger problems and the loss of my grandmother. Therapy didn't work. So my therapist sent me an address and I went to the address and it looked like a weird-looking office with a triangle laid around like the Illuminati with a glowing white door and somebody being taken to the back smiling and giggling. The man never came out so I was joking through the interview and they asked me questions and I asked them so questions about the program and they told me hunting and I said hunting what and he said hunting stuff so I said what like hunting people and this man looked at me and reached his hand through the hole as it turned black his face opened wide and he looked like a demon with 2 black eyes a long outstretched jaw and tried to grab me. I told him I was joking and he turned normal. I said something about the Illuminati he did it again so my interview was concluded, he said if I told anybody they would find me and kill me and I better keep my mouth shut and he pushed me outside in the chair so while my dad and his friend were in the car I put the chair on the lawn and all of a sudden I got knocked out with my dad and my dad’s friend and everything turned blue. I got home and we started to drive back home people looked at the car horrified laughing tapping on the window and we waved and just kept driving home everything was still blue the garden and everything like a dark blue we got in the car and the sight turned a light blue as we talked about gas stations we were driving and I realized I was a ghost and woke up.

26 Jul 2024

Dream

Walking about in some villa/castle/Hogwarts-looking structure built by some Lago Como looking lake It’s the first day of summer camp/school, and I’m peering over from the old stony balcony at the view of the lake There’s quite a few of my camp peers playing about in the balconies at the levels lower and I watch from above One of the teachers who’d been leading a few of them to the balcony I’m in greets me We have a little chirchat about room and group assignments and such, about all the courses I can take as a part of the arts and music academy program We go down once the orientation starts; the teacher seems to be of a mercurial disposition The castle is high and steepled, and I go back in and down through the stone helix staircase that looks like the one at the former/restored imperial library in Ueno I used to go to Greeting the other peers in the hall Getting a briefing and the beginner’s class done by the teacher from earlier Once the session is over they go quickly as they came, scattering to rush to the gymnasiums to play or just do whatever around the castle-campus I need to get the pass for the ‘I did these courses’ stamp cards stamped by the guy so I follow, but lose track After wandering about in the interior of the school that looks exactly like the old Japanese public school I took my SAT in despite the fact that this is literally a villa in lake Como, I’m found and guided downstairs to the teachers’ office by some other generous teacher and student Once I get there the students leave, and I walk into a few teachers discussing something about ‘programs’ and ‘not happening for this year’ and such in the middle of the corridor in front of the office I ask ‘what program’ and they tell me about this one dance lector among many others and practitioners of meditative/wellness-related stuff There are many options of genres students can choose to learn from during the camp program Apparently the guy is one such teacher among them Fusion, or some kind of an improvisational thing? ‘Some modern whatever’ one teacher says They tell me that the person practices in the woods, usually very isolated and stand-off ish ‘That one’ I say, ‘I wanna sign up for his class’ They look at each other for a bit before one of the teachers is assigned to take me to where the lector is I’m lead out of the villa and into the woods The soil is moist and crisp, pinecone woods and some taller trees of other kind The lake is visible from amidst the woods, pretty close to water In some wider opening amidst the paths lit by the cloudy sky’s light seeping cracks in the scattered conifer canopy he’s there He seems to be of a rather phlegmatic disposition, humor cold and moist He wears blouse that looks like it’s decorated with crows’ feathers, has the matching hair and eyes(gray? Dark gray), seems a bit depressed The teacher who took me here is basically doing the introducing to him and me, His name was something like Atmos Or some kind of a posh noble-like name We exchange a few words about my intentions and such, the guy’s scanning my whole appearance(AND my soul probably, like damn his eyes, it’s kinda hard to belife he’s human) Anyway the supervising teacher leaves us to our own devices and we commence He gives me a brief overview of the vibe of the dancing he teaches, almost ritualistic and trancelike I’m familiar with this I’ve done this by the ocean before I do this when I feel that spirits or some deep-seated emotions crash over me like waves He seems to be interested enough to coach me on the gait and such in my movements We move over to the edge of the lake’s shore, feet dipping in the waters I’m overcome by the sudden music I hear in my head(sounded like Enya or something similar) and I let them take control of my body’s movements The teacher calmly analyzes before commenting that I’d have been better off living as sirens or merfolks, not human I tell him I had the feeling for a long time I’m dismissed after the lecture On the second day of the dance lesson with the lector there’s a guest A girl, seems introverted, closed off; dainty, cold and fairy-like in her appearance, wants to join We both learn under him I’m unraveled of my façade as the days go, revealed of my deepest insecurities and trauma The lector calmly points out the flaw in the thinking and such, unemotionally encouraging me to channel it into my movements For instance he points out that one of the reasons why I learn the techniques so quickly anf absorb what he’s getting me to embody is because I myself don’t have a solid sense of self nor identity to begin with; I’m a sponge, full of holes that easily lets other things and people’s projected desires and dreams in, be it good or bad That it’s both the biggest blessing and curse Because of that I let others destroy me for nothing, that I romanticize the ruins because it’s the only thing I can convince myself into believe in as untouched by others; my own world and my imaginations that I always retreat into By this point me and the fairy girl are both vulnerable, but she seems to be far more guarded that I am I want the fairy girl to get vulnerable like me too, so I dig into the topic slowly through questions and conversations The more I go the more she seems unsettled, refuses At one point we’re yelling at each other, tearing at each others’ cowardices and arrogance The lector simply watches and calmly coachs but doesn’t intervene, cooly pointing out the flaw in either sides’ reasoning when he sees fit At this point it’s starting to feel like shadow work-slash-dance-therapy The peers and teachers I interact with on day to day basis are concerned, insinuating that the raven-haired mentor is influencing me too much or interfering with my private matters too much as a teacher because to them, ‘I don’t seem as cheery as I used to be just a week or two ago’ Obviously I’d be ragged I’m working through my traumas bitch

22 Jul 2024

Dream

oki so basically i was still in Marysville schools and i was walking around the halls i bumped into my ex and his gf i gave him a hug and then his gf walked around with me but i just wanted to find you then i was in a classroom where i had a presentation and when i stood up to start this kid i went to school with started to laugh at me so i went on a rant telling everyone my chuldhood trauma and got an a

20 Jul 2024

Dream

I got attached to the characters in my dream who then died a grusesome death. I don't remember my relationship with them, but I remember we have some healthy enough amount of problems. Three to four of us are in the car, while two guys (lovers) were fighting. The others, including me, didn't meddle in because it's their business. Next thing I know there was a woman in front of our car, good thing we didn't hit her cuz as we got out, she who for some reason has a loose red rope around her forehead was already nagging and yelling at the driver. When I looked under the car, I could see how her body got slipped apart. I saw it live happen, when I looked at the nagging woman again, she wasn't there. That was enough trauma/loss for one day. Guess what. My guy friend who was having a couple quarrel with my other guy friend accidentally slipped while there was a car passing. I was so fucking relieved that he didn't got hit, but next thing we all know, he was getting dragged by the car's wheel by his shirt and oh, the shock I felt when I saw him spinning while his guts and limbs flew to the air. I couldn't take anymore losses and woke up.

29 Jun 2024

Dream

My second dream of the night I was talking to someone who I knew in the dream but never met in real life. His name was Gabriel and he had a wife, a young son of about five and a young baby girl around two and his wife was close to giving birth to new Child. Gabriel was consoling me in the dream. I was upset and angry and hurt and didn’t know why Gabriel is trying to help me understand. I think it had to do with some trauma that experience as a kid that I am not aware that’s affecting me and I remember I’d be getting upset in the dream and accidentally push his son and his wife would get mad and Gabriel would explain to his wife. Don’t get mad. He just hurt he upset. The dream transition to me being behind a target by the dumpsters and my dad and mom were in a car next to me. My dad was in the front driving and my mom was in the backseat. They were trying to me and I was very upset. I was very angry and crying and throwing a tantrum I was pained by something and I didn’t know what I was pained by. My dad tried to share some thing, but I was so angry that I didn’t even wanna hear it. I wanted to be angry at him.

23 Jun 2024

Dream

So Hellvuna my spiritual guide/succubi wife has shown me three things that I am lacking with the three blue orbs on a volcano. And as they were floating each then turn there blue color into another color: the first one was yellow and it represents value, the second one represents living in balance and it was red, and the third in green represents love in one’s self. She told me that I am lacking it due to trauma but I am slowly being able to take one step at a time. She then told me she wants to test me on if I am ready for a journey in the next night because I am strong not weak

17 Jun 2024

Dream

Astrological observations about a person’s IC(imum coeli), vertex and how they may be impacted by their ancestral traumas when they are of a marginalized ethnic origins(e.g. Aftican American. Armenian, Uyghur, Native American, Palestinian, etc.) A party in a building by a murky river; the weather is cloudy and there are lots of woods Plum blossoms are in full bloom(they aren’t but I want to say they are for some reason) I’m here for some kind of a connection-making reasons, avoiding certain people and shady/shoddy ruffians and percerted wretches My friends are here too, mostly the ones I had a tiny crush on a few years back They signed up because the class of the school was invited They’re playing around having a merry time, dancing and using bamboo sticks to appear outside the window from outside the buildings and such, surprising people and me and such in a jolly way

29 May 2024

Dream

I was attacked by a man who almost killed me. His intention was to kill me but other people quickly helped. He wanted to kill me because I was testifying in a court case. There was a policeman that shot the man who was attacking me and killed him. But I was badly beaten I was hit in the head numerous times. I hugged the policeman and he hugged me back. There felt like a trauma bond between us. I sustained major head swelling as a result. My head was so swollen that it was morphing my skull and some of my face. I remember using ice in my dream and feeling my head pain. I was so worried about lasting damage to my head and face.

26 May 2024

Dream

Dreamed that spider watched a compounding pharmacist and asked for an abortion through spelling on her web. So the pharmacist compounded the hormonal abortion pill for the spider Then my mom and I were at a restaurant in the mountains and this waitress was rude and made her cry while 2 other waitresses comforted her. I left a bad review Me and my cousins were with out grandpa and he was married to one of my dads ex wife’s and they wouldn’t make food for us so we went to McDonald’s often and I didn’t like their McDonald’s bc they didn’t have breakfast all day Then I was in this supermarket with my 8th grade ex and it was weird because there was an AI preschool there and it was causing trauma to kids.