26 Jul 2024
Dream
Walking about in some villa/castle/Hogwarts-looking structure built by some Lago Como looking lake
It’s the first day of summer camp/school, and I’m peering over from the old stony balcony at the view of the lake
There’s quite a few of my camp peers playing about in the balconies at the levels lower and I watch from above
One of the teachers who’d been leading a few of them to the balcony I’m in greets me
We have a little chirchat about room and group assignments and such, about all the courses I can take as a part of the arts and music academy program
We go down once the orientation starts; the teacher seems to be of a mercurial disposition
The castle is high and steepled, and I go back in and down through the stone helix staircase that looks like the one at the former/restored imperial library in Ueno I used to go to
Greeting the other peers in the hall
Getting a briefing and the beginner’s class done by the teacher from earlier
Once the session is over they go quickly as they came, scattering to rush to the gymnasiums to play or just do whatever around the castle-campus
I need to get the pass for the ‘I did these courses’ stamp cards stamped by the guy so I follow, but lose track
After wandering about in the interior of the school that looks exactly like the old Japanese public school I took my SAT in despite the fact that this is literally a villa in lake Como, I’m found and guided downstairs to the teachers’ office by some other generous teacher and student
Once I get there the students leave, and I walk into a few teachers discussing something about ‘programs’ and ‘not happening for this year’ and such in the middle of the corridor in front of the office
I ask ‘what program’ and they tell me about this one dance lector among many others and practitioners of meditative/wellness-related stuff
There are many options of genres students can choose to learn from during the camp program
Apparently the guy is one such teacher among them
Fusion, or some kind of an improvisational thing?
‘Some modern whatever’ one teacher says
They tell me that the person practices in the woods, usually very isolated and stand-off ish
‘That one’ I say, ‘I wanna sign up for his class’
They look at each other for a bit before one of the teachers is assigned to take me to where the lector is
I’m lead out of the villa and into the woods
The soil is moist and crisp, pinecone woods and some taller trees of other kind
The lake is visible from amidst the woods, pretty close to water
In some wider opening amidst the paths lit by the cloudy sky’s light seeping cracks in the scattered conifer canopy he’s there
He seems to be of a rather phlegmatic disposition, humor cold and moist
He wears blouse that looks like it’s decorated with crows’ feathers, has the matching hair and eyes(gray? Dark gray), seems a bit depressed
The teacher who took me here is basically doing the introducing to him and me,
His name was something like Atmos
Or some kind of a posh noble-like name
We exchange a few words about my intentions and such, the guy’s scanning my whole appearance(AND my soul probably, like damn his eyes, it’s kinda hard to belife he’s human)
Anyway the supervising teacher leaves us to our own devices and we commence
He gives me a brief overview of the vibe of the dancing he teaches, almost ritualistic and trancelike
I’m familiar with this
I’ve done this by the ocean before
I do this when I feel that spirits or some deep-seated emotions crash over me like waves
He seems to be interested enough to coach me on the gait and such in my movements
We move over to the edge of the lake’s shore, feet dipping in the waters
I’m overcome by the sudden music I hear in my head(sounded like Enya or something similar) and I let them take control of my body’s movements
The teacher calmly analyzes before commenting that I’d have been better off living as sirens or merfolks, not human
I tell him I had the feeling for a long time
I’m dismissed after the lecture
On the second day of the dance lesson with the lector there’s a guest
A girl, seems introverted, closed off; dainty, cold and fairy-like in her appearance, wants to join
We both learn under him
I’m unraveled of my façade as the days go, revealed of my deepest insecurities and trauma
The lector calmly points out the flaw in the thinking and such, unemotionally encouraging me to channel it into my movements
For instance he points out that one of the reasons why I learn the techniques so quickly anf absorb what he’s getting me to embody is because I myself don’t have a solid sense of self nor identity to begin with; I’m a sponge, full of holes that easily lets other things and people’s projected desires and dreams in, be it good or bad
That it’s both the biggest blessing and curse
Because of that I let others destroy me for nothing, that I romanticize the ruins because it’s the only thing I can convince myself into believe in as untouched by others; my own world and my imaginations that I always retreat into
By this point me and the fairy girl are both vulnerable, but she seems to be far more guarded that I am
I want the fairy girl to get vulnerable like me too, so I dig into the topic slowly through questions and conversations
The more I go the more she seems unsettled, refuses
At one point we’re yelling at each other, tearing at each others’ cowardices and arrogance
The lector simply watches and calmly coachs but doesn’t intervene, cooly pointing out the flaw in either sides’ reasoning when he sees fit
At this point it’s starting to feel like shadow work-slash-dance-therapy
The peers and teachers I interact with on day to day basis are concerned, insinuating that the raven-haired mentor is influencing me too much or interfering with my private matters too much as a teacher because to them, ‘I don’t seem as cheery as I used to be just a week or two ago’
Obviously I’d be ragged I’m working through my traumas bitch
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