Perform

9 Apr 2024

Dream

Last night I dreamt that I was at this dance community and the teacher had me do some moves following after her, and she was so impressed and when she asked of my dance experience I said I had none. Everyone was so surprised the people around me were a lot younger so I felt behind, like i still see myself as a child or that I’m not where “adults” should be. But then I was in even though they never asked officially I was partnered up this this boy who didn’t want to be me partner at all. I felt super overwhelmed and inexperienced to be there, he didn’t like the fact that I was a nobody and that I was new, so I spoke up and said if you don’t like me or don’t want me to be here plz just communicate and talk to me, and he got over it, but there was Always tension. Then we sat against this wall the whole dance crew. I’m a bench. And watched others dancing it was really beautiful and this one girl was doing a backbend on roll skates! I was in awe there was this little girl who came up and said I hate black, for then my dance teacher said ofc not in that way, the theme was about sadness and anger, and they were doing a vocal expression of it as well as dance, the place felt like I’ve been there before, sort of like my job but more expanded we all lived there and dormed there, the hold time I felt unsure if this was what I wanted, incorporating or committing myself to something new, my days and time would be spent different, and I had lots of anxiety about how I would perform, and it felt hard to settle in, I wonder how else’s in my life the idea of doing something why I always go to “idk if this is for me” maybe always feeling unsafe? Or having to be on edge. But I wonder if flowing through it and sinking deeper into the possibilities of life could take me to a place I like. Cause the same is bringing me just that, and I seek for growth and change. So I want to be open to incorporating newness and committing to things that question if it’s for me,

27 Mar 2024

Dream

Ok so what happened was it looked like I was in Egypt and I was in a Sand castle and inside there was a stage where I performed and when I was performing with my friend my mom called me to take a shower so I dragged my friend home since they refused to leave and when I got to my home in the castle my mom said she was gonna shower first and the shower was pushed against sand and when my mom showered I noticed that there was a hole and I saw this cute dude peeking at my mom and when my mom got out he asked “why is your private part so clean”my mom got mad and kicked him away and she thought he wouldn’t come back and let me go into the shower and I didn’t notice but the dude was peeking and when I got out my mom told me and we planned to push him into a giant waterfall we had,the next day I was super tired and my vision was blurry and I could barely open my eyes and then I put my mask on and then we got him in the waterfall but then the waterfall got stronger and stronger then wind blew and I fell into the water,my mom tried to help me because I was drowning.

22 Mar 2024

Dream

I can’t remember all the details, but I had gone to visit a place I used to work and was seeing some of my friends who are still around there the office space we worked in have been completely redone and looked nothing like it used to it was now more like a cozy little apartment when it used to be a very open industrial space i’m not sure what happened but one of my friends and coworkers Rachael got really angry with me and was really yelling at me about some different things and how I was not being true to the social justice principles, I said I believed in and she was being really mean about it, and she’s not like that in real life at all and then, somehow, for some reason I was walking through a city Rachael was there, and some other employees were there, and Rachael was still taunting me and yelling at me and following me and we’re going through a lot of little stairways and alleys and weird little places like that and we were going all over city, but it wasn’t like a real city. It was kind of like a medieval maze like city, there were some other things going on with some children that they were teaching to perform and some other things but it’s all pretty fuzzy. Now I woke up right after the stream and just felt really really sad and hurt that Rachael was being that mean

15 Mar 2024

Dream

Around mid December 2023, I had a dream where me and my father went to my cousin Arunothini’s house to do a ceremony to celebrate the one year death anniversary of my aunt Thayanithi. In my waking life, my uncle Sriram didn’t come to attend it. However in my dream life he did. In the dream, Me, my father, my uncle Sriram, my other cousin Aruljothy (Arunothini’s brother), his wife Vathini, his three sons, Arunothini, her two daughters, her husband Rameshkanna, Aruljothy and Arunothini’s father Arulsubramaniam were all at the house together. Arunothini hired a priest whom she knows to perform the ceremony. As the the priest conducts the ceremony, he asks us to sing any thevarams we know. Most of us have sung a few that we know. However for me, I didn’t want to sing due to the humiliation I went through at a temple by another priest a few years back that has left me regretful and ashamed of ever wanting singing any songs associated with the Hindu deities and for any auspicious Hindu holidays my family and I would celebrate every year. When the priest asked me to sing along with the rest of my family members, I told him I didn’t want to. Arunothini then tells the priest what happened and why I am reluctant to sing. Prior to this in my waking life, Arunothini already knows about that incident since I opened up to her and everyone else about it through a story I had written for a story writing class her father Arulsubramaniam is teaching. In my dream life after Arunothini told that incident to the priest, he became very understanding about it and tried to encourage me to sing as he wanted me to sing for my aunt Thayanithi’s sake to make her happy. I still was reluctant and didn’t want to sing still. This made my uncle Sriram get mad and impatient and demands me to sing and not keep everyone waiting. I told my uncle that I didn’t want to sing which the escalated to the both of us having a heated argument. At the heat of the argument, I call my uncle Sriram “Chithappa” (The term to call your mom or dad’s younger brother in Tamil.) for the first time as I wasn’t that close with him before to call him that. Overall, the heated argument between me and my uncle Sriram left us angry and frustrated. It made me crying a little bit, but Arunothini and the priest were able to calm me down and comfort me. They still tried to encourage me to sing a Puranam to which I reluctantly gave in. They were glad that I was able to sing and the ceremony continued until it was over. Then everyone eat the food we have cooked. Eventhough, I begin to feel a little better, I still couldn’t get over with the argument I had with my uncle Sriram a moment ago and was still shaken about it. In my dream life, I feel like our relationship as uncle and niece will be strained and I doubt that it will not get any better. However, in my waking life, I am glad that the argument between us never happened. Despite me not being that close with my uncle Sriram, I still think he is a good person from the many times he has helped my parents before when they were getting ready to settle in to have me and my siblings.

10 Mar 2024

Dream

I woke up in my childhood bedroom and it felt realistic because i thought i was actually waking up and i kept trying to force myself to wake up from the dream and it didnt work so I went downstairs and went outside and it was a beautiful day out and I was walking down my street and a psychic was there and I asked her how I could wake up from my dream and she said that will be 50 cents and I said I didnt have any money and she said she would wake me up for free and then she took out some crystals and performed some reiki that gave me tingles and then I was able to wake up

6 Mar 2024

Dream

A man fried a mouse and killed it. I was in a high school and some of my friends gave me marijuana as a way of making up for hanging out and smoking without me. The problem was i didn’t know how to get rid of it. It wasn’t until the police came that I panicked. Everyone who gave me the marijuana was at the school dance while I was trying to hide it. Despite them getting me in trouble I wouldn’t tell the police where I got the drugs from. Instead I rushed to the school to meet a girl in the bathroom who could help me. She was angry the same group of friends because they did the same to her and forgot her birthday. To make up for it she baked the softest cookies and cupcakes. So she helps me hide the marijuana. And in the end Chris Brown shows up to the dance ready to perform.

5 Mar 2024

Dream

So we were going downtown to go to the Deluxx Fluxx for my brothers birthday. I invited Juan, and Jalen. The DF looked different. It was more of an open space on the outside than usual almost like an underground club in the mall type of vibe.. but we were there a little early, I can’t remember exactly why we ended up in a space where we were at n a big house, but the house was kinda filthy, but we made it out n and we sat around and waited. Jalen was there at this moment idk where Juan was but i don’t think he’d shown up yet sooo i decided tho explore the house. I was again, pretty big, but dirty it had the same potential to be an amazing house. I went there the basement and there was water on some parts of the floor, the clothes piled up lighting kinda dim and it had like a mild smell. But it wasn’t too pungent or bad, just smelled like dirty clothes. Jalen was following me so we could explore together we came across this living room, connected to a living room, which felt like one of a few in the home, and I then morphed to being the front security for DF and my dads there at the same time and there’s a group of people trying to rush through me without showing me proper id and wristband. But my dad was behind and forced those that didn’t listen to get in line and follow rules. Now I remember looking at the wristband colors and they were neon orange. The line got down quickly, then all of a sudden, this little girl, comes running to, almost threw me but I saw her in enough time to grab her and slow her down. She was carrying an armful of purple, blue and green wristbands but not from Deluxx Fluxx… it was for another place inside this “mall-like” setting we were in. . When I took the them from her she started to cry, and throw a bit of. A tantrum obviously she was underage. I handed the wristband to my dad and he was confused asf lol but took her to the place ehewee the wristbands came from I just recall the colors. And there were different printed font on each one . But anywho I switch back to the house and I was completely nuude… Jalen was too, as we explored the house a little bit more . In that living room we were in was connected to a bedroom. Now the bedroom was semi decent and clean the living room was ok. I was too focused on where my clothes went. I could hear from outside that space we were in my, siblings talking but the room looked secure the windows were covered we ended up on the bed, just talking I can’t remember about what. But I remember feeling so uncomfortable being fully nude like that in front of him . I ended up walking into the connected living room around the big square wooden table and white couch as I walked around the table I remember feeling like this floor is like fake or unstable like I’m going to fall through the floor. Boom I was back at DF for a second and it was this group of people coming out. Particularly this heavyset white girl who was talking to me about how much of a great time she going to have and she’s so excited… but I’m kinda confused because the club should be packed, and I swear she was one the stood out firing that rush of people earlier. Anywho I check everyone’s creditials and allow them inside.. boom we’re back to the living room so I’m walking around trying to figure out what I’m feeling under this floor. I’m not sure how or what triggered it, but a part of Jalen and I conversation triggered the floor begin to sink.. are same time I’m paying attention to the sounds, and I heard my dads voice outside the room. As I’m like sinking with the floor but not enough to where I fall through because it stopped at a certain point. (Think an artist coming up from the bottom of the stage to perform) . I could still see the bedroom parts of it and I was trying to climb naked out of the living room space. Now at this moment I don’t think that Jalen is aware from what I remember he was laying there nude on his back but eyes were closed. I started using my feet and the things around me to climb out I used the couch as a boost and gout out and back into the room. I did it after like 4tries. I got back in the bed and he was still laying there and he looks at me and we continue a small conversation. I hear my siblings and dad all outside talking and then I guess he hears them too and kinda panicked for a second. We gave no idea where our clothes are even though we were just talking, it got a little weird lol. So we ended up playing around like wrestling and we both rolled off the bed and laughed. As we were on the floor in front of the brown nightstand he kissed me and said he had to go. K, I was kinda wanting to leave too so I was ok with that. As he stood he grabbed me and put me back in the bed, and he went through all the drawers and closet to found some clothes to throw on. And gave me something to put on too . As he puts on his last piece of clothing the door swings open and I’m walks my family members Micah, Tony, Kayla,Kyla… I noticed Micah see me as I was nude but like with Tony she was trying to explore other parts of the house but keep Tony from looking at me. He was definitely talking a lot but Kayla and Kyla saw me immediately and came and pith the cover over me from the bed in the meantime then handed me the clothes Jalen had set out to hand to me but it wasn’t the original outfit. It was a new, more fancy one the complimented me great. I looked at Jalen as we tried to be incognito. And skip out the door but he turned and looked at me, and blew a kiss and walked away and out the door. Zip back to the home a bit later and family is there, music is playing it’s dark but it’s a vibe . I was talking to my dad and we were rapping songs together with everyone and reminiscing. Me and my dad started talking shit, which lead to us laughing and then racing around the block and rapping different songs and laughing all at the same time. It felt like it was a music video being shot.

29 Feb 2024

Dream

I was living out one of my dreams and I was working as a back up dancer and background vocalists for one of my favorite artists. I was in awe and disbelief during rehearsals but I woke up before we finished so I didn’t get to perform but I was ready.

17 Feb 2024

Dream

had a dream i was at a party and my old crush came in but was shape shifting to be justin bieber and he had a girlfriend - but justin bieber was officially dead so it was weird. anyways he kept trying to talk to me, looking over and stuff, but i was singing elegantly with a group of girls and we were practicing to perform for the party. Anyways he ends up talking to me but switching from justin bieber and himself. The dream switches to me shopping at Costco and i’m buying all these clothes and vinyls from Beyoncé and Taylor Swift, im like buying clothes from Mean Girls to wear to university and i never get to the cashier but i’m buying wigs for people it was crazy. Anyways, lastly my first dream was me and this girl i used to be friends with, were cool again, we were walking around, talking - she was helping me with uni, it was fun. but we’re not really friends anymore so that was a bit trippy.

4 Feb 2024

Dream

blood on the stairs my dad telling me he doesn’t rember how it got their and me arguing with him saying that he does then i was in mincraft mixed with a roblox horror game where we had to escape this entity and was collecting wood for a fire and then i was thrown into this show which i hadn’t rehearsed for at all and i just had to preform and. i didn’t know what i was doing at all but i didn’t feel stressed i was on stage at this dance thing at my primary school and evie and sofia had done their dnace and. then i wwas on stage waiting for my tires and i had been practicing my lyrical routine and then the wrong music came on so i ended up not doing it then i was at a fair and my stall wasn’t getting any attention so i then had a go on the this other persons stall and then i was at my house but it wasn’t my house. it was much bigger and it had other. houses attatched we were cleaning the top of the windows and the we went into the house and in the tiny door in maves bedroom they had made it into an office becusse someone else. had been living there.

29 Jan 2024

Dream

I had a dream that there was this house that I was living in and my room was in the attic, and when I opened my closet it was a portal to this other dimension that was filled with vampires and ghosts. Some of those ghost and vampires got through my closet and were trying to perform some evil ritual and I was the sacrifice. It was a really scary dream

28 Jan 2024

Dream

I was in a math class, one which I knew I had put inadequate work into. We were in the process of getting our exams handed back to us. When I got my test back, the results were worse than I had expected. I would have to take this class again and pass in order to graduate, because there was no way I could recover from the blow my grade had taken up until this point. And due to the complexities of my life, I knew I couldn’t take on extra work to recover. At one point the teacher passes by me and asks accusatorily “what is wrong with you?” He seems disgusted with my inability to perform well in his class. I simply say “my sister is also bad at math.”