20 Aug 2025
Dream
I remember my sister Ruby driving me and Simon was the driver. Simon was in passenger seat and I was in the back of the car. before we got in the car, Simon and I greeted each other and he was very quick greeting me and not that friendly or happy to see me, he was polite, but still not that happy to see me. We hugged briefly and got in the car and then Ruby started driving us and Simon seems kind of frustrated with something not anything that was my fault or anything to do with me per se, but he was frustrated. He said that he was so full of poop, but kept having diarrhea. So I gave him some advice. I told him to drink lots of water which in hindsight, I don’t know if that actually helps with diarrhea and he seem to accept and appreciate my advice on how to deal with being constipated, but also having diarrhea.
I recall traveling a lot with the famous drag queens Trixie and Katya. They were touring and doing comedy and just arranging travel with each other, so figuring out who hotel stays and getting groceries and trying to save money on groceries. This was reminiscent of my road trip with Simon and Simone. I remember some dingy hotel rooms and traveling with Trixie and Katya actually strained my enjoyment of being around them. Then there was something involving the Amish. I recently watched a video by Trixie, the drag queen about the Amish, so that was definitely an influence in the dream. When I visited the Amish, I was with some family members of mine and the Amish were very curious about our skin tones in our hair because they had never been around Black people. Then There is something about my dad introducing me to a young black man who was born in 1999, a few years older than me and he had a wife or a female partner. I just heard about it, not physically meeting him until later.
I believe after we visited the Amish, we headed to the zoo and I was with my dad and I was aware of this young black man and his wife. There was a super long line to get into the zoo and my dad who is very impatient was already complaining and frustrated. I was thinking of how to put a spin on the situation so that he would not be so frustrated and this exact dynamic and situation is something I grew up doing all the time, trying to manage his frustration. We realized that the long line is because there was a protest happening at the zoo and we all, even my dad, are immediately on board with learning more about the protest because it was some sort of anti-Trump thing. once we got inside the zoo we saw lots of people were around, and then that young man from before, his wife was giving some sort of talk and she was positioned way on the first floor, and I and the young man and then some other people were positioned on the second or third floor. there were glass panels that separated us from the open space that peered down to first floor. So this woman, the young wife was giving a speech and her voice was kind of thin and inarticulate, and she was trying to project and speak to many people across several floors, but it was really hard to hear her. I remember she’s a black woman, and she had Coily hair that was pretty dark and short, maybe like ear length and I remember thinking how it’s a shame that we can’t really hear her and I don’t really understand what she’s talking about or couldn’t really follow her story because I just couldn’t hear her that well. she also sounded kind of weak or nervous in a way but she couldn’t really project or do what she was supposed to do in that environment anyway, regardless of her poor performance, it was also because the environment wasn’t good for it. And I remember being on this third floor by the glass panels and there were people in front of me, but nobody could see me like nobody was facing me, and many of us were lying down or had their eyes closed or were kind of i postures of repose. And the young man was on my back, he was lying on top of me and I was lying down on my stomach. Slowly, this position began to feel charged and erotic, and it was exciting. I was beginning to feel aroused from it, but I also was concerned because I knew he was connected to this woman who was trying to give a speech downstairs. I wasn’t actually completely clear on their relationship and it didn’t figure to the front of my mind. We were in this position, but this issue was still there all the same. This is all reflective of Simon having cheated on his girlfriend with me, and me only engaging because I trusted he would break up with his girlfriend properly after. None of that happened and I think he hasn’t even told her—they live in Germany and I’ve chosen to cut off contact because I needed to take care of myself—I sincerely hope he tells the truth and she moves on from him.
Anyway the young man in the dream was wearing gray jeans and a white button up and I never saw his face and I couldn’t see him. I didn’t know what he looked like, but the fact that he was on top of me and I could feel him becoming erect, and he was sort of grinding on me slowly and clearly like I could feel his heat and his desire for me, it was also arousing for me. There was a bit of guilt in confusion because he was involved with this woman who was far away downstairs and trying to give a speech and I didn’t know anything about him, not even his face, just that he was somebody who has been introduced me through my father. so it was all around a weird situation and uncomfortable but at the same time, I just felt pleasure at somebody’s body and heat pressing onto me. But I also felt trapped, I was stuck under this guy and there was pleasure but also unease.
