29 Dec 2024
Dream
Had a dream in which I was wrestling with the idea of marrying Raphael. Interestingly, in the dream, my parents and his mom were either caucasian or depicted as another ethnicity in the dream. The 5 of us were sittng at a dinner table and they were listening to our individual perspectives. It was as if we were in a sitcom similar to Family Matters or the Cosby Show. I stated I wanted to marry him but I knew my parents wouldn’t have agreed and also we both were grappling with the idea because we each have had experiences in which we felt the presence of God. I had also agreed to marry Raphael on a day he had chosen.
As we continued talking, it was as if I had a flashback in the dream. I was instantly sitting in a church pew and another young girl who was sitting close by asked me if I had a marker she could borrow. (In real life, I love markers. I would line them up as if the markers were a singing group or choir). In any rate, said “yes” to her question. I stored the markers in the back of the pew and although she only requested one, I pulled out several markers (about 20 or 25) and I had even more in the back of the pew. I had various color markers. When she saw the amount I had, we both laughed and I gave her a blue marker.
After that flash back scene, Ralph & I were still talking to our parents and then we were instantly transported to a church van. We were still thinking about marriage and then a song started playing in the back ground. This same song started playing at the end of the scene where I gave the young girl one of my markers. It was “Secret Place” by Karen Clark Sheard. The thought came to my mind that I knew what to do while grappling with the idea of marrying Raphael. The thought also came to my mind that I would rather be with God then be with Raphael if that was the ultimate decision although I do and did love Raphael.
I started singing the lyrics to the song and surprised my own self. The song was initially releases in 2002 and not only did I remember all of the lyrics after not hearing or singing the song in years, my vocal ranged matched Karen Clark Sheard’s
The Lyrics to the song are as follows:
“This world sometimes seems cruel and cold
And pain doth pierce my very soul,
But there's a place ,a secret place,
a place where i can go.
ooooooooooooooooohh.
A place of peace,
where love abides,
where justice reigns
and God resides,
there is a place,
a secret place,
a place where i can go,
For you shall hide me in your tabernacle
from the rain and storm
and even when my enemies persue me,
you'll keep me safe from harm,
And when my heart
is filled with pain,
no peace it seems
ill find again
i find that place
a secret place
a place where i can go
Choir:
For you shall hide me in your tabernacle
from the rain and storm
and even when my enemies persue me
you'll keep me safe from harm
there is safety, in your tabernacle
there is protection, in your tabernacle
there is security, in your tabernacle
there is sanctuary, in your tabernacle
Lord take me, to your tabernacle
i wanna go, to your tabernacle
Lord take me, to your tabernacle
Lord there you'll reign
hide me-safely-in your-dwelling-place….” (End of lyrics)
I felt the presence of God when I started singing “there us safety in Your tabernacle”. In the dream, it was if the answer was found in God’s tabernacle or presence. There was quiet on the van when i sang the song. Ralph was a little shocked too. (In real life, Ralph can actually sing REALLY well).
Its the spirit versus what my mind & heart wants or my religious upbringing that has made my natural desire for love & affection difficult because its love from a young man and not a woman. (In real life, two of my cousins who are sisters got engaged this holiday season and another young man who is a preacher also got engaged).
I woke up thinking that I really wanna be in God’s presence and ultimately, His eternal presence. I do not need religion or marriage but I really need and long for a place where there is safety (like the lyrics of the song). A place where I will receive justice from a part of the world that hates my skin color and another part of the world hates my sexual preference and gender, 3 factors about me that I did not choose. I wanna go to that Place of Peace.
