22 Nov 2024
Dream
The last thing I thought of before falling asleep last night was my faithful dog Syd, who I had to euthanize at the beginning of the year.
In my dream, he looked youthful and healthy. We saw each other and he bounced over to me, wagging his tail. I sat on the ground and he came and laid his head and front paws in my lap. I was so happy to see him again and I wanted to cherish this moment forever, so I took out my phone and snapped a photo.
Upon looking at the photo, I shrieked and threw my phone away from me because to my horror, I saw that he was in an advanced stated of decomp and mummification in the photo, and I immediately realized that I was dreaming and that that’s what he must look like in his little coffin right now.
I looked back at this dream reincarnation of him in my lap, and now this version of him looked like the photo. I cried and tried to bring the memory of him back. Slowly, the life in him returned and he appeared healthy again. He looked up at me with his wise, soulful eyes and I wanted to know that he was okay, but instead all I could think of was how badly he always wanted to be with me, and I couldn’t help but feel like I had let him down by not making that his reality while he was here.
I am filled with sadness and regret at the way I rushed his last day. I will forever wish I had spent the previous night with him and slept beside him on the floor. I wish I hadn’t medicated him on his last day, despite my good intentions.
