Pencil

6 Nov 2024

Dream

In my dream my crushes friend kills himself. My crush gave up some gray joggers and they arill had a pencil in them. My frind end uo getting the pants.. She then gave him bsck the pencil. J end up walking a way because i thought my mom was outside but she wasnt. So i went in the office to wait on my mom. On of my crush friend came to get a tardy, but ends up running away for some reason.

27 Aug 2024

Dream

Visiting mother’s side grandmother’s house with mom Buying onigiri, our favorite snacks and a pencil and a sketchbook The last two items are for finishing ip a group art/presentation project before the family gatherings We get to grandma’s apartment, lounging at the third floor room while the relatives gradually gather I work on my project sketches This project is eerily similar to how the one for my last school trip in high school went(it was a recreational activity assignment, and it was to make a full skit in mere two nights during our stay; I was assigned the group leader for my team solely because I was the oldest of the bunch in grades(there were fucking 7th-8th graders in the mix). while other teams had their own friends and had an easier time just having fun while creating I knew none of the people prior to the event, our group were full of either socially awkward, plain unfunny, possessing blessings in the art of seriousness(cannot lighten/loosen up and jokey to save their life), or were chronic pessimist/complainer so much that it actually sabotaged the progress of the production; we ended up bombing the whole thing because none of us could or were in any condition to think up a decent sketch(the three-day schedule of the school trip was PACKED, not a minute of room for realistic rest or unwinding, nor to brainstorm or practice our ideas; it was unfairly designed and my team and I got the shortest end of the stick among all other teams my three 12th grade classmates were leading) and time ran out before we could come up with a coherent script. I blew up on their face mid-performance because I just couldn’t fucking take it(i was also in the middle of mental health crisis unsupported by adults around me and were on three bins of energy drinks), left a brave 8th grader who came up with the script idea publicly humiliated and traumatized(I did apologize to him afterwards and deeply regretted and felt ashamed of it but still)) And just like in real life I end up mismanaging the time and forget that it was supposed to start around the same time as the family gathering party/dinner(7pm) Once I realize this at like 8 after the first phase of the party is over I dash to a dark and quiet tatami room to connect to Zoom And lo and behold the one kid who suggested the plot idea for the animation is shouldering everything again; the pattern repeated itself He/she’s getting just as reckless, hopeless, frustrated and on the edge as I was in the real-life version of this event The plot was Japanese traditional horror story The art style is this beautiful Japanese coarse colored cut-paper arts(Evening is expressed with indigo papers, there’s red lotus lakes, goldfishes, red lanterns and townsfolk in kimono merrily going about their business, etc.) But all the sudden the tone of the narration changes(the medium doesn’t) and it all gets disordered beyond the savings, turning into a Hyakki Yagyo(the Demon’s Nightly Parade around the city streets from the Heian-era folklore); the one kid who shouldered it all snapped and went ‘fuck it’, started crushing the entire tone and the story on its head The viewers of this live animation performance(my classmates and the whole school) are intrigued and are curious about this sudden change, causing rumors to spread and such The rest of my team members can only watch in horror as do I, since the kid refuses to relinquish the control over the livestream, feeling unimaginably guilted for making the kid shoulder everything due to our own inactions, procrastinating and unrealistic perfectionism After the whole thing ended in a strange little comical(to us, utterly humiliating and horrifying) happenings, I go talk to the kid to first of all check in on their mental state and overall condition(wellbeing and sanity) The kid is sitting on the tatami, looks up at me upon noticing with an eerily calm, almost uncannily gentle smile and tone I scramble to apologize on my team’s behalf for making him/her suffer but they would not hear me, pausing me with a raise of their hand; a strange air of eery composure and authority to them now, hard to deny I feel overwhelmingly helpless and guilty as we are both now teleported to inside a moving bus, the kind I’d see running around the Tokyo metropolitan area often It appears the vehicle is around Hatsudai(near Ikebukuro-Setagaya); the sky is blocked by the thick, highway guardrail and the surrounding high buildings and skyscrapers, and I see a highway ramp ahead that the bus doesn’t seem to be getting on I implore the kid what they want and such, but they ignore my words and continue on with their strange questions and words about my Vedic astrological signs, which are Uttara/Purva Bhadrapada, for moon and sun signs respectively Some talk about how my ruling deity, Shani(personification of Saturn in Vedic astrology; son of Indra/Surya, half-nephew of Shiva, the dreadful dispenser of karma on behalf of Lord Yama of the afterlife), Ahir Budhnya(Ananta Shesha, the Serpent from the Depths in the Hindu creation myth) as well as Aja Ekapada(the fierce, one-legged serpentine aspect of Lord Shiva, specifically in-tune with darker, occult subjects like black magic, the left hand path and such), plays major role in my nearly lethal, intense and unignorable, leader-like qualities that I am born with Something that is according to the kid’s observations “omnipresent in my life and in that of those who interact with me”; says whoever I interact or encounter in my life, however minor their roles or involvement may be, leaves either me or the subject person completely transformed, with their egos(and sometimes any other parts of their preconceived notions about the world or of their healthy self-esteem or ego) destroyed; that I am either the person’s karma or I myself am given the karma of Shani, Aja Ekapada’s(or of Shiva or Yama himself indirectly, through him), swiftly and devastatingly It’s starting to turn into some kind of a spiritual lesson delivered through this incredibly emotionally heavy reenactment of traumatic circumstances and I don’t like it The kid ignores my discomfort and goes onto talk about the qualities of the blue sapphire, the gemstone influenced by Neelam, the personification of the gem and also a consort of Lord Shani(Saturn) and the mythical connections to what is needed(moral disciplines, consistencies and dedication to serve your fellow humans from the heart), and how it applies to this current situation(basically the kid’s telling em to humble myself and such after admitting that I’m also complicit in this dysfunctional dynamic of the project group as its team leader) and beyond(how there is an urgent need for me to heal my traumas and what came with it that is starting to affect my external environment(the people in my surroundings aka my teammates and other peers, staffs and teachers who interact with me in this school) in a scarring way)

22 Aug 2024

Dream

I was making me and another guy a snack. I used a toaster to heat peanut butter and then rolled pencils in it. I also wanted to make pop-tarts, but the toaster had gotten moved and the inside parts were missing. Another girl wanted to use the toaster after me to roll pencils in peanut butter too. When I woke up, I felt sick about the idea of eating pencils.

30 Jul 2024

Dream

I was in my teacher's room and I was talking about a pencil, then I was talking about how I regretted something.

10 Apr 2024

Dream

I was looking for my brother someone had kid napped him and I. Order for me to fined him I had to decode something to unloxked the phone number where I could reach the ppl they had the first 6 numbers where 296289 I could never get the last for wrtting down do to everything I used to pick up wouldn't write I try using a pencil but when I went to grab a pencil instead of a pen or mark the pencil had disappeared. Then I woke up I keep have recurring dreams of my brother missing my mother dose to he is currently locked up and serving a good amount of time in the prison

27 Mar 2024

Dream

It stated off in my grans house is Salisbury a selection of my other relatives happened to be there as well but they were acting a little bit hostile towards me and weren’t being nice which isn’t like how they are in real life. I could feel myself getting really annoyed and angry at everyone untill I saw my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to work things out with me (we were on a smallest breaks last year but are back togeather now) and she seemed like she didn’t care or wanted me. In the dream I was so angry I started breaking items out of anger but once I have begun to touch things they started to multiply. I saw this shapes floating about and figured if I could focus on them close my eyes and jump I could float I think into other places almost like floating away Before the dream ended I started writing this very journal down but in a notebook with a pencil

18 Mar 2024

Dream

I dreamed that I was talking with someone, and I felt sad, and suddenly they said something that made me furious, and I stabbed them with a pencil or something like that, but they didn't do anything, they just looked at me, and whoever was it said "Did you finished you tantrum or what?", then I woke up.

17 Mar 2024

Dream

There was an alien invasion when I was staying at a this hotel. I was helping the police dispose of all of the alien eggs to crush them. A big part of the dream was that I had a “job” at this ice cream place that also was a singing studio. I often came back from my job angry and distressed. I got upset at one of my friends because they purposefully broke my pencil when I was in the middle of writing. At some point I was sobbing and screaming for my mom. Because of the alien invasion there was extreme traffic. A news airplane landed and began asking people questions about me. When I finally found my mom, I felt so relieved.

17 Mar 2024

Dream

i was living in this apartment with my family, on the top floor. it looked like one of the apartments i lived in as a kid in the waking world. we had some weird neighbors, but didn’t think much of it. few days later we hear a bunch of commotion going on outside. so we open the doors, and the apartments around us are a different color. they were green, like that ugly forest green color. we noticed a strange man on a latter trying to paint the apartments with a paintbrush. we closed the door and opened it again a few minutes later, and they were brown. we saw the man walking weirdly into the apartment complexes across from us. the apartments form a square in the middle, so that’s all grass and mailboxes in the middle of it. we decided to go follow the man and see what he was up to, and it was like he was possessed. in the waking world, in the sims 4 one of my favorite packs is strangerville. the way the sims get possessed by the motherplant is how this guy was acting like in my dreams. it was so weird. anyways we followed him, and ended up at a floral shop. then it changed into a gas station, and i saw that red car, and the numbers 11, 12, 13, 15 and maybe 10 were in white by the right tire. the numbers were kinda small but you could easily see them. they were scattered around like a word puzzle but in the same area. i then ‘woke up’ in my dream telling myself i need to memorize these numbers when i woke up, so i got a little notebook and pencil, and wrote the numbers down along with the color of the car. then i actually woke up in the waking world.

20 Feb 2024

Dream

I just saw in black words "I love you" and in the background it was grey almost like stitching or pencil.

15 Feb 2024

Dream

I was sharpening my pencil, the pencil was yellow and short. The sharpener was missing the container and only the shaver was there. It was the color white. I was experimenting with the different sharpener holes out of curiosity. But I ended up with the narrower pencil.

14 Feb 2024

Dream

I had a very stressful dream. I was on shoulders of two guys, who where trying to get me out of the dark room through the door. At the same time we were on a rolling pin. On the curved suface of the rolling pin there was a black line made of pencil on which we we behind the line and these two guys were trying bring me ahead of the line carrying me on their shoulders. I was not in condition to stand by myself and I was conscious. Somehow my mind said coming out of room and coming in front of the line happened same time and were same event.