Lightening

26 Mar 2024

Dream

Hail the size of boulders not being able to hide from them. I'm in a hotel room looking out the door it in black and white and lots of lightening

23 Mar 2024

Dream

kind of about eric ig in another universe. briefly shows me / "toni" (short for tonisha i think) meeting and flirting with him for the first time in a theater esque situation at 15. similar shit goes down and i just don't see him after being reprimanded a few months before my 18th things haven't really improved. i'm in a sort of wayward teens program and we're on a field trip. i have a rambunctious beast friend similar to kayla who takes her daily meds but still acts weird. i've mastered the art of not taking i think we're visiting a hospital or living facility of sorts, and i'm aimlessly wandering until i see a familiar name somewhere. i realize he's staying there and don't really tell bff but try to but she's busy talking with one of the male wayward teens she likes. it's kind of a race to evade both building staff and the crew watching the teens but i make it shortly after some religious folks leave the room. i'm panicked thinking he's in hospice but slowly walk in. just by my heels he goes "toni?" i think he's "quenton" in this dream but we sort of awkwardly look at each other before he smiles and we catch up and gossip and he's fine i think just staying in an exclusive residential suite bc he wants to "find himself" and i guess can afford to. at some point things get hot and flirty and kind of weird in the you're still so beautiful but all grown up way but its so sexy to me lol. in the dream some actually ?? stuff happens and bff is there and i think i was just very in real life horny lmao so my dream had a porn like scene anyways it gets back to some sense of reality when again in the dream he leaves halfway through ~activities saying he'll be back and me and best friend cry like wtf but a more normal scene in this hellscape would be i fall asleep after and he says something i can't really decipher and when i wake up he's gone and the alarms are going off in the hospital again my dream gets crazy and there's an action sequence and the hospital explodes ?? but let's say i and some other patients from either program / facility escape without jumping out of a tall ass building. bff somehow makes it out too and she's pissed at me first bc her crush didn't make it out or got bright back to the state custody but we eventually shrug and kind of become street urchins idk if i have family or she does but we spend the next few weeks kind of making the city outside of the "dishonorable youth" program. initially im trying to find him but there are no leads and bff convinces me to give up. it hurts and i wander one more night in a shady alley that's somehow relevant (lmao i think its a college bar area near where he claimed to live during the catching up scene, suggestive / creepy comments and all) and these two east asian guys ask me what a sign says and i'm like "black cherry?" (it looks like a bar) they laugh and speak another language so i walk away and decide that's it, he's gone xmas eve comes, the day before im assuming my / toni's 18th birthday and there's a sliver of hope that there will be a Christmas miracle but im starting to wake up at this point so the last actual dream part was me standing in what was kind of like central park of ny all lit up and i was looking at this really tall light post that's bulb was super bright and i pretended it was a shooting star before bff is like let's get wasted my own ending i think is that i wake up hungover as shit with this guy snapping and going "hello?" and i think he's my shooting star come true on my birthday morning so im like "quin"?? and he says "who?" as the sleepiness leaves my eyes and he's just some college guy from a bar we went to. i blink before smiling and replying "ah, nobody" other parts in the dream that were probably "in order" before my own ending but i couldn't make sense of it in a linear manner include coming back to the hospital that's now in good condition with better security and we make a joke to the receptionists about the incident months prior which makes them confused first then surprised. i think we go the equivalent of jk, oh can we get these drinks? i also think i made note of not seeing his name on the visiting sheet as an option or something so it could have been during the "where's pedo" montage alternative ending i get some sort of real closure? it's been years of no contact atp and i think nye following my 21st and i see him at the event and he sees me. i don't feel the same butterflies and anxiety but just.. weird so i go somewhere less crowded to drink water and this time he followed me. vague small talk, some awkward silences, and then we both say im sorry. and he's like why are u sorry and while i feel like i have a reason i stop and frown and i just don't know. he goes you aren't because you don't need to be and talks about the regret of ruining my adolescence and that's why he ran bc while the night was fun and thrilling it wasn't right and wouldn't end in good for anyone. like how i'm on track in community college after getting my ged (which i mentioned during small talk) and he's in therapy and trying to talk to ppl his age *awkward pained but genuine laughter* we nod and look away nervously while ppl filter in and out of what's probably someone's penthouse kitchen. the ball drop is soon and he says my name and i instinctively look despite feeling ashamed be almost a dog on call, following every command. he says something goofy to lighten the mood but i interrupt and kiss him as the countdown starts. its brief but passionate and at five i go "goodbye, quenton" and run off to the glass/window walls as one approaches. bff is there with u troubled youth boy toy who's turned it around and she grabs my hand and i squeeze back as it's the new year. there's celebration and cheer and yelling and we hug and bff asks "so what's your first resolution" looking her in the eye with a smile and refusing to acknowledge the confused but all too familiar set of eyes i'm sure is on my back "to never look back" toast, cheers, etc noises as she looks confused momentarily but shrugs and smiles bc she may not get it but she /gets it/ and i do too, finally

15 Mar 2024

Dream

The dream started on a bus, with me trying to get to find a seat. The bus was dark and really uncomfortable, kind of like riding the Greyhound. I saw all these open seats, but people had stuff in them, so I just kept trying to move to the back. In the back it looked like there was plenty of seats. When I got to the middle of the bus, there was someone standing in the middle of the aisle. I tried to move past them, and they just looked at me saying, no. I said, okay, jeez. I looked at the man to my right, who had something in his seat. I said, would you mind if I sat here? He started cussing me out and saying a lot of really mean things. I said, wow, okay, sorry, didn't mean to do that. I then at the same time realized that my butt was all up in this couple's space that was right behind me. I turned around and apologized to them but they were staring at me deep into my soul with this terrible stare. I said, I thought this was supposed to be the South. But everyone here is so freaking mean. As people began to respond yelling at me, I quickly got off the bus and into the town. When I got off the bus, I was exposed to this really huge city. It felt like a futuristic city. Everything was on rail cars and pretty and technologically advanced. But something was off. There was a rail car coming straight for me and it looked like it was going to hit me. I quickly got out of the way. I said that was weird. But it felt like it was coming straight for me, like it wanted to destroy me. The next thing I saw was a car coming straight for me. It was an Uber, but it didn't have a driver. It drove straight to me, and I moved out the way. Then it stopped and opened its doors to me. It wanted me to get in. It looked nice on the inside, but I just knew something was wrong. I could not get into that car. I ran away in the opposite direction. I ran into this building. I really just wanted to get away from this really weird city. Where was I going to go? I couldn't even get back on the bus with all those people, all those mean people. How was I going to get out of this town? As I was walking in this mall, I thought maybe I could just stay here for a while. At least it's safe here. Then holes started to appear everywhere, all around. In all of these holes, there was something different. One had a mirror. One had another train. One had a different train. They were all portals into something that was trying to take me to something bad. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't understand it, but I just wanted to run. I wanted to run to safety, to get away from all these holes, all these things trying to take me away. A hole started to form right underneath my feet. I jumped and just started running forward and forward and slipped into this little hole. A hole that led downstairs to a basement. I started to creep down to this room that was right there. I looked inside and I saw these four or five people. Another person behind me slipped in. They asked, is it safe here? I said, I'm not sure. We opened the door together and walked into the room. Inside there was this man just laughing, having a good time and watching TV. I said, is it safe in here? He said, safe for now. He said they're all going to be really upset when they find out what happens to them. I said, what are you talking about? He then turned on the TV to this ad. It was an ad that showed this man getting his face cut off. His face then got sewed together and elongated like the trunk of an elephant. The extra skin from his face got shrunk and put on the very edge of the trunk-like skin. He basically had turned into his own face elephant. Someone tried to lighten the mood by saying that's going to be hard to drink out of. But I was horrified, terrified, and scared. I started to slowly back out of the room, thinking about everything, thinking about how I was stuck in this world, in this city, and there was no way out. These holes would eventually reach the basement, or I'd be stuck in the basement forever, trying to hide away from all the things that are coming after me. I started to walk upstairs, to go back to the top, just thinking about everything. I grew sad. When I got to the top of the stairs, I saw a woman, so I paused. She was going through it. The holes had appeared for her, her own holes. She was trying to run from them, until one popped up right in front of her, and she ran straight into it. It was a hole with a mirror, in an all-white bathroom. She said, no, no, no, I'm stronger than this. And the moment she said that, a rubber pink phone appeared, and she took the phone, whacked it against the mirror, and started whacking the whole bathroom, destroying it. She said, and that's it, I don't even know why I'm over here running away. I am that bitch. As she was saying these things, a belt started to grow around her, full of tools, fun, bright-colored tools that were yellow, and green, and red. She looked like she was a superhero. She started going around, destroying every hole, going outside, until she finally made it outside. She was amazing, and that's when it hit me. That's the way out, to have confidence in myself, to know who I am, and to not be afraid of who I am. The more confident I became, the better I felt about destroying these things. Tools started to form for me. I was able to destroy every single hole that came my way. After I had destroyed all the holes, I passed this bathroom, in it it looked like there was a dead baby in it. I walked into the room, and I saw this woman, so sad, her baby was on the floor. The baby was a royal blue color, like it was such and suffocated. I went over to her and the baby, and I picked up the baby. She started to say something, saying, there's nothing you can do, but I started to rock the baby, and tell the baby how beautiful it is, and the baby started to find its color again, a natural color. The mother said, how did you do that? I reminded her that she's a great mother, that she's doing her best, that she's trying her best. I handed her back the baby, and I could feel that her confidence was growing, even if I couldn't see it. I left the bathroom, and the dream ended.

9 Feb 2024

Dream

A sunny day at the beach and I pick up litter and throw it into a trash can but it's not a trash can. The trash can is a giant spider and it is hungry. I try to run but the spider is to fast and I fall into the sand but as I do lightening strikes and ravens start circling. A rattle snakes bites the spider before it reaches me and the sky turns red as a giant wabe approaches. I run for the hill but a wind pushes me back onto the beach but a truck sees me and pucks me up. The truck crashes into a building and a dinosaur is on the other side of the building and it's hungry. The sky turns red and dark and climb into a sewer to escape.

25 Jan 2024

Dream

Today's dream took place somewhere without my dreams haven't taken place in a while it was another place that was kind of like where I live but not it was kind of like a mall and a plaza mixed together I've had dreams there before now this time it was a night time and it was pitch raining I stayed there till 7:30 the rain lightened up and I ran outside I remember trying to catch a bus by the time I got to the bus earlier it was 9: 37 I got on the bus and then I woke up I almost slipped running down the stairs did you felt uneasy like I wasn't safe but also like I was rushed for time

22 Jan 2024

Dream

I was at a wedding for my niece and all our family and friends, we were at the church. I was getting things ready setting up dinner tables with some others and then it was time for the for the ceremony. It was dark and cloudy outside but it was fine because we were inside the chapel. The organ was playing as the minister walked up to the podium and began to speak. I could hear the rain and thunder when lightening struck the roof near the minister and everyone let out a loud gasps. We all calmed down and the ceremony continued. The minister barely spoke and another flash of lightening struck the same spot with loud crash and we all screamed again and we decided to end the wedding. I woke up on the couch in my aunt's house, my aunt tells me my uncle made breakfast and I get up to go get food. I see that my cousin, that I no longer speak to, and her husband are also there. They're talking and my cousin asks her husband if he made sure that the minister was the same religion as usa, to which he said he wasn't sure and it was fine. I'm grabbing food from the table and see my mom in the living room watching the wedding video. I see face start to shift from curiosity to fear as the sound on the video sounds more and more distorted and she opens her mouth to let out a scream but nothing comes out.

31 Dec 2023

Dream

I was in my living room laying down on the couch. It was dark and quiet, just how I left everything before I fell asleep. I see through the blinds this man walking his dogs like he usually does and he lives two doors down from me. He’s always walking very close to my door/ specifically and it seems like everytime I look outside through the small opening in the blinds he’ll finally walk away and just go inside his home. I’ve had a weird suspicion that he’s been stalking me/ or sometimes gets bored and maybe wants to see what I’m watching but he’s always there and close by. I always get an uneasy feeling from this man. At one point he gets so close to my sliding back door that it’s obvious he’s watching me/ looking in. I get up and I yell at him through the window to go!! And to leave!! And to stop watching me. He gets VERY angry and his dogs are getting worked up too. The man leaves but soon another man appears. At first this man is yelling threats at me through the window for “throwing my middle finger up” at the other man and that I’ll pay for my disrespect. I start explaining through the window that I never gave him the middle finger, I just shooed him away. The other man then started to calm down a bit and when he did we both were able to just look at each other for a second. The fear and daunting realization that I knew this second man set in. His name was Thomas and we worked at the bowling center together. I’ve had dreams before of someone there watching over me, but a looming and dark entity or energy. When I left working there for good I felt so much better and safer, but this man…. He’s a lot of things and had evil in eyes everytime we spoke or talked. When that realization of who he was hit me I started to back away. I started wishing I was anywhere else. Somehow he opens the back sliding door and comes in uninvited. I always keep this door locked so the fact that he came in somehow was enough to paralyze me with fear, but I knew I needed to act calm. He started talking to me about random things, asking me how I am and where I live. I had an immediate instinct to lie so I said “I’m moving to Chicago!” And I started singing lines from this show called “victorious” from when I was younger to try and lighten the mood. But he didn’t laugh. I didn’t feel safe at all. I wanted nothing more than for him to be gone. I did not get a good feeling from him being there at all. I look over at him and the look in his eyes was terrifying. I then wake up from my sleep very anxious.

21 Nov 2023

Dream

Is was a few months pregnant I just found out and I felt that I should be unhappy with it because I know my husband is not ready or we are not ready I was happy that we were pregnant and kept rubbing my belly then I notice it growing. I was happy as my husband seemed to lighten up about the baby that was there. Then I started to feel abdominal pain almost like a contraction and a feeling that I need to poop I know this Baby is not ready to come out and I was serching for movement of the baby that i could not feel. Other women pregnant was talking about their babies moving. Then the contraction happens again I yell to my husband that we need to go to the hospital im afraid I’m gonna lose the baby so we check in the hospital and then I notice I have three to five large lumps going up that match the buttons on my paints so I leave them unbuckled. Then i find out my work insurance is good for hospital use and I look at my husband at the check in desk and tell him I need to call off of work I need to tell Lori my manager I’m her but everytime I try to find her number to text her I can’t then her and her daughter show up I explain what’s going on and I said I don’t know why I could message you . Then I go to the room and the baby did not make it it fast forwards to me wanting another baby and being heartbroken