9 Jul 2025
Dream
Dream One: The Community Apartment
I was in a home—it felt like a community apartment in the city. My abusive ex was there, and for some reason, I either wanted to or felt the need to be there too. I had a restraining order against him already, so he shouldn’t have been there, but I was there.
The night before, I had prepared a plate of Haitian food at my place up the street for me and two friends, Nicole and Candice whose current friendship has been strained. They were coming over to eat dinner to celebrate Nicole’s birthday. I had made three plates of Haitian rice and beans with griyo for each of us, covered them with plastic food covers, and stored them in the fridge.
Back at the community apartment, more people showed up—young, probably college-aged women. A diverse group. I wasn’t sure who invited them, but I decided to stay because I felt protective of them. We all decided we wanted dinner, and I remembered the food I had already prepared. I told them about it but mentioned it wasn’t enough, so I could make a salad if someone went to the grocery store for ingredients. One of the girls took my car to get them.
Meanwhile, my ex kept acting charming—like he wasn’t abusive—trying to rewrite the past with his behavior. I busied myself with preparing the food, knowing I couldn’t go to the police because technically, I was violating the restraining order by being there.
The girl returned with the groceries and even parallel parked my car well. She offered to help plate the food. As we were preparing to head to my place to get everything together, I noticed my mom walking up the street by herself. She’s legally blind due to glaucoma, and she wasn’t using her cane—just out taking a walk. This stood out to me because I’ve been encouraging her to care for herself more, but she hadn’t been.
My mom was wearing my husband’s activity sneakers. When I saw her, I ran to hide back inside the apartment. She entered the apartment, asking for me, and I gestured to everyone not to reveal I was there. She shared that she had let me borrow that specific pair of sneakers. I stayed hidden because I was embarrassed—ashamed that I was in the same space as my ex—but I also felt the need to stay close to protect the younger women there.
Eventually, my mother left, but then she came back again, still searching for me. It was like she sensed me—maybe even smelled me. She couldn’t see me, but it felt like she knew I was somewhere in the room.
Throughout the dream, my ex was also replacing my couch—the one I had at my place—with a light gray one he had bought and had delivered. He was building it in the community apartment, which weirdly seemed to be my home too, because my original couch was there.
There was parts of that dream that it was my brother I was dealing with especially with the coordination of the couch but most of the times it felt like my ex.
Dream 2: The Interruption
In another dream, I was married to a man who resembled a blend of my husband, my ex, and someone else—a light-skinned man. We were getting along, but during the dream, I had to log in for a remote meeting for work. It was an important meeting where I was presenting how I was coordinating a series of sessions.
While I was in the meeting, he came into the room visibly upset about something. I muted myself and turned off the camera, asking if we could talk later, but he didn’t respect that. He left and then came back again, still wanting to talk—now with more of my ex’s energy than my husband’s. I felt disrespected and unheard, especially since he was disrupting my work.
I somehow made it through the meeting but was upset and started crying afterward. I confronted him and said we needed to speak to our couples therapist. He disagreed immediately, saying we didn’t need therapy anymore. That upset me even more because couples therapy is a core value of mine, something I communicated clearly at the start of the relationship.
He said he felt our current therapist, Jessica, had run her course. I didn’t feel the same, but I offered to find another therapist if he felt that way. He still declined, saying we didn’t need therapy and suggested we read books instead. I told him I’d be open to reading and discussing relationship books as a supplement—but not a replacement—for therapy.
This part of the dream increasingly reflected my ex—his refusal to take accountability, his resistance to therapy, and his disregard for my boundaries. My real husband has been supportive and respectful, even if hesitant at first. He would never interrupt one of my meetings—especially while I’m facilitating. But my ex did that once in real life—he snatched my laptop during work and smashed it, towering over me in a rage and leaving me terrified. Also the whole time this man looked very different than my ex or my husband he was light-skinned, with silkier hair and I remember a black shirt on but it felt like I have known him as my ex and husband in different parts of this dream.
