26 Jul 2025
Dream
I had 899 items for travel. Simon incorrectly guessed which items belonged to me and where they came from. He also guessed something was the 897th item but was mistaken. There was a ton of beautiful natural scenery in the dream, reminiscent of all the trips to national parks I just finished yesterday. Everything looked like the red rocky southwest, huge mountains with sandy walls and small green spots of vegetation, and the sky was milky white with red streaks. At one point the sky and ground blended, like the ground was a shallow pool reflecting the streaky white and red sky. Sometimes we were on foot and in cars. I was traveling with Simon and some middle-aged women. I also travelled with a heavyset woman that was my girlfriend, I asked her on the side of a mountain if she was fat or strong and she said both. We were deciding how much of the trail to cover, and I was concerned about her not making it. This woman was half black half white and wearing a yellow dress and big sunhat, so I think she was a version of me. She started going up the mountain before me and was confident she could make whatever distance, and I realized I didn’t actually need to tell her what we could do or manage how far she went, because she was strong enough and totally able to figure it out for herself. She was completely capable of going any distance and I followed her up some trail stairs on the side of a mountain.
There was some weed smoking in the dream, encouraged by or related to the middle-aged women we were traveling with. I recall seeing jars of white powdery balls, which was apparently marijuana. I remember setting up beautiful green devices with gold wires into a jar or smoke holder of some sort, and preparing the white powdery balls to smoke. The weed intake had something to do with when I looked at the blended sky and ground from earlier, that combined milky white and red streaked scenery.
At one point I was videoing all the huge Southwestern mountains and set my camera on Simon, who also had his camera on me and we smiled and laughed. I moved onto more scenery shortly after. This was reminiscent of several actual moments where my camera caught him as I was documenting the trip.
There was also an extended discussion and defense of the term “lesbian” and how it used to apply to any women who were romantically/sexually involved with each other. I was watching a lot of queer women couples and explaining terminology in my head or aloud. The new broader term for woman-woman relationships is sapphic, so whether the women involved are lesbian or bi or pan or whatever, they are nonetheless in a sapphic relationship. I walked on a beach briefly with a white lesbian who was quite tan and had bowlcut hair the color of hay, she was in defense of this change in meaning from lesbian to sapphic, so that now lesbian refers exclusively to gay women and women who have not and will not ever experience attraction to men. I agreed with her and believed in this distinction of terms. I saw some other lesbians in the dream and felt solid about my belief here. I also felt included regarding my own attraction to women, at one point seeing two bisexual women kissing each other. This all came up because Snow reached out to me yesterday, who I’m attracted to and I’ve thought about pursuing her, or at least being totally honest about my interest in her, once I finish things up with Simon. I’ll no longer be hooking up with Simon since he’s going back to Germany in a few days. I talked a lot about it to myself last night, and while there’s some sadness, I’m overwhelmingly grateful for the experience and feel much regard and tenderness toward him. I’m honored by the adventure and can’t wait to see how it shapes my identity and art.
8+9+9=26, 2+6=8, so I wonder if the number 8 is important, and what Simon being “wrong” about this number means. 8+9+7=24, 2+4=6, so I wonder if the number 6 also means something, and again Simon being wrong about it. 8 to me means introspection and calm, and 6 means achievement, so I wonder if Simon being “wrong” is just about our pending and inevitable separation. From the beginning we knew it would end like this, so the numbers might reflect that he is leaving. Me filming him and then moving onto the scenery also felt like a “moving on.” This was a happy and strange dream. A little bizarre, but it felt like a calm, beautiful processing of the profound and soulful experience I just had traveling.
