24 Nov 2023
Dream
Last night I had a dream about my daughter’s father (my ex boyfriend - he’s 33, I’m 23). For context, she’s 3 months old and he hasn’t seen her yet because of legal and custody reasons (in person or through pictures/videos, mainly for her safety).
In my dream, he invited me over to his house. It looked like he moved and got his place renovated, decorated, and made it look nicer than his other place. It appeared to be an apartment or flat. It was nighttime for reference and was very nice inside - brick walls, string lights, vines, pictures, etc. When I went inside, he was laying down next to her, hugging her, reading her a book and talking with her. She was smiling at him the entire time. She was a little older here, around 6-8 years old. It was a precious and wholesome moment watching them spending time together in the dim, warm lights. It was peaceful and serene. There were a couple of his friends there too in another part of his place, letting us be.
Then my ex (although we’ve been separated for several months now and broke up for good) hugged me tight and was very happy to be with me in that moment, kissed me, showing me affection - very warm, gently, yet passionate and genuine then. We were also intimate with each other while we were there although we were seeing different partners.
I’ve always yearned for moments like these to happen in my life. But he’s the complete opposite in real life. He’s very tyrannical, cruel, abusive (emotionally, financially, verbally, physically, sexually), basically a living narcissistic menace and hypocrite. He does have good moments and days, and is one of the funniest people I know, but he’s not a good person. He lied for me the entire time we’ve known each other. I thought he was the one, the best person I’ve ever met and would be a great father, but no, just tons of manipulation, future faking, breadcrumbing, gaslighting, etc.
Despite this, I really needed a dream and moment like this with him and our daughter. I miss him so much, but deep down inside I know he’s a danger to me and our daughter.