9 Apr 2024
Dream
Last night I dreamt that I was at this dance community and the teacher had me do some moves following after her, and she was so impressed and when she asked of my dance experience I said I had none. Everyone was so surprised the people around me were a lot younger so I felt behind, like i still see myself as a child or that I’m not where “adults” should be. But then I was in even though they never asked officially I was partnered up this this boy who didn’t want to be me partner at all. I felt super overwhelmed and inexperienced to be there, he didn’t like the fact that I was a nobody and that I was new, so I spoke up and said if you don’t like me or don’t want me to be here plz just communicate and talk to me, and he got over it, but there was Always tension. Then we sat against this wall the whole dance crew. I’m a bench. And watched others dancing it was really beautiful and this one girl was doing a backbend on roll skates! I was in awe there was this little girl who came up and said I hate black, for then my dance teacher said ofc not in that way, the theme was about sadness and anger, and they were doing a vocal expression of it as well as dance, the place felt like I’ve been there before, sort of like my job but more expanded we all lived there and dormed there, the hold time I felt unsure if this was what I wanted, incorporating or committing myself to something new, my days and time would be spent different, and I had lots of anxiety about how I would perform, and it felt hard to settle in, I wonder how else’s in my life the idea of doing something why I always go to “idk if this is for me” maybe always feeling unsafe? Or having to be on edge. But I wonder if flowing through it and sinking deeper into the possibilities of life could take me to a place I like. Cause the same is bringing me just that, and I seek for growth and change. So I want to be open to incorporating newness and committing to things that question if it’s for me,
