25 Aug 2024
Dream
Last night I had a dream that’s a variant of many similar dreams lately. I was sitting in a cafè having coffee with someone, I don’t know who but I know that it was a friend or acquaintance and I was waiting to go to the airport. I don’t remember where I was going just that it was very important. Someone asks me (actually I think it was my husband) when my flight is and I said 15.45 so I gave still lots of time. We sit, chatting and then I say, maybe I need to go get my bags and start getting ready. When I’m there packing the bags I see my phone has been on “do not disturb” so I switch it on and notifications about my flight start pouring in from an hour before. I then understand that I remembered badly, the flight was a connecting one and the second flight were to leave at 15.45 but the first one was at 13.30! I panic, I HAVE to get to my destination, it’s so important, people are counting on me, oh my god what am I doing, why am I so distracted? I usually have total control about things! Weird enough I’m more or less at the airport and I need to find the office of the airline so they can maybe help me get to the connecting flight or change it to a direct one and I just need to add the money. I’m searching for the office, asking people for directions and some just look at me blankly, then finally outside a pharmacy a lady tells me it’s just around the corner. I turn the corner but just see a restaurant. I ask the lady again and she says, no it’s there, just look closer, I don’t think you’re looking. I go back and I see it, it’s right there. I go to open the door and I have to look down because the step is at a weird height and when I look up again I wake up.
This is a variant of other dreams with the same sense of urgency and getting to a certain secret destination that’s vital for me and my kids. My husband is usually there but never helps, sometimes he even makes it worse by going the wrong way taking the kids with him or not listening when I call for him/them. He usually never looks at me or talks to me, like I’m not there. Usually I need to get to a bus, or a train or a flight and I loose my direction or there are obstacles in the way (stairs that change where they end, or by crossing the street I end up five blocks further away, by opening a door I find myself in a place where I don’t know how to get out or where I even am). I always wake up before I get there or before I know I’ll make it. It’s like an elusive maze but with the stress of having to get there, almost like it’s a life or death situation. It’s extremely stressful and the dreams are filled with a lot of anxiety and frustration. I’m doing everything, like everything I can to get me (and sometimes the kids) to where I need to go but whatever I do it’s like walking through mud or being pushed further away. I’m thinking this is a metaphor for my life, someone or something being the block that keeps me held back in every way.
