Mina, your dream is a vivid and intricate tapestry of emotions, symbols, and deeply personal experiences. The setting of a small apartment where you and your son live together suggests a sense of closeness and perhaps some constraints, both physically and emotionally. Waiting for your son to come home and then putting him to bed reflects your protective instincts and responsibilities as a mother, a role that is central to your identity.
The dream within your dream, starting with a school ceremony, indicates a journey into your subconscious. The presence of your son with his classmates hints at your hopes and anxieties about his social interactions and future. The act of coughing and the inability to find paper to clean up symbolizes a struggle to express or rid yourself of something troubling—perhaps unresolved emotions or thoughts that you feel are difficult to address or articulate.
Entering the church and witnessing the wet table with the Bible and papers suggests a search for solace, purification, and guidance in a place of spirituality. The use of toilet paper by a lady to dry the table may represent your desire for cleanliness, order, and perhaps even redemption. The priest praying for you and the heavy feeling you experience could be indicative of a burden you feel, possibly related to your past traumas or current emotional state. The thought of having a devil spirit inside you signifies a deep inner conflict or fear that you are grappling with.
Waking up again in the same bed within the dream and feeling someone holding you tight, yet recognizing them as someone who loves you, introduces a powerful duality. This figure oscillates between your deceased brother and your son, embodying both comfort and fear. This duality might reflect your ongoing struggle to reconcile feelings of love and loss, security and vulnerability. The small hand and the blurred identity of this figure underscore a sense of ambiguity and confusion in your emotional world.
The climax of the dream, where you are held by your brother and struggle to break free, is profoundly telling. It reflects a battle within yourself to break free from past pains and fears. Your repeated assurances to yourself that he won't hurt you, despite the physical struggle, reveal a deep yearning for reassurance and safety. The effort to call out to your son for help, yet feeling unheard, might symbolize feelings of isolation or helplessness in real life.
Overall, Mina, your dream is a complex interplay of protection, responsibility, unresolved emotions, and the ongoing process of healing from past traumas. It highlights your deep love and concern for your son, your search for peace and resolution, and the inner conflicts you navigate daily. Your dream invites you to further explore these themes and consider how they manifest in your waking life, providing a rich ground for therapeutic exploration.