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14 May 2025

dream-about-loss-and-new-encounters
Dead
Friend
Kissing
Black man
Room
Clothes

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I was upset grandma died in November and then my mom in December. I was in a bazaar and met a couple. I was held in a room that had a door and two long narrow windows that had blinds that didn't fully cover the window on the left. There was only a sewer, otherwise the room was all white. I had to peek a car's license plate number but couldn't make it obvious, had 3 guys in the room of which 1 was Leo, my elementary school classmate so after i was done peeking and repeated the plate number in Finnish, he kissed me, it wasn't that good of a kiss but i loved how he put his arms around me to hug me. I was eventually alone in my room and was listening to porn but couldn't mute my phone, the only place in the room i could have any privacy in was in a corner in front of a wardrobe. I had locked the door and went in front of the wardrobe, i had a black man who praised my sucking skills and i saw us together outside as well apparently having sex. Women entered the room even though i had locked the door, they saw i was all alone and i tried distracting them by going to eat. There were so many different types of foods to choose from, salads and even Indian coconut milk and rice and chicken, my plate was already full but I really wanted to have that Indian food so I told myself I'd come get it later. I was wearing two sweaters in the spring as I was freezing, I was in my favorite secondhand shop but couldn't really find any nice jackets. I bought a second sweater and put it on but don't remember having paid for it. I met my friend from elementary school, Anne.

14 May 2025

dream-about-church-relationship-issues
Death
Marriage
Church
Crying
Father
Train

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Had a dream I was in a church. I think it was Tabernacle but it looked different. I walked into the church and it was relatively packed. My father was up spreaking. On a long bench were choir members. I recognized some family members and mainly Delvin. Delvin got up to speak. He thanked a guy who he invited to church for coming. Delvinโ€™s twin brother Dalvin was in the church too. Delvin then said we are all we have. He said he only had a few friends. He was referring to the guy he invited but mainly Dalvin & me. He walked to where I was and we hugged and I started crying. He whispered in my ear that I was gonna get married or that I should get married. I told him I wasnt gonna get married. He was shocked and said, โ€œYou arenโ€™t?โ€. As i was leaving the church, I wondered what guy or who I would marry considering I wasnt and am not attracted to females. Then the dream change to Ralph & I being on a trolley or train. It was daylight & the sun was shining. It looked as if we were in San Francisco California. He pulled the chord on the trolley. I asked him where he was going. He said he had to go pee. I then asked and then what or where was he going. He said he didnโ€™t know. I knew he was holding some thing back so I reassured him that he could tell me. He said he was gonna go to a restaurant with Mitch, the funny guy who sang on the choir who worked at AT&T. I told Ralph I couldnโ€™t do this any longer. I then took his phone before the trolley stopped and we got off. He said he would pack a few things and be on his way out. I then told him he was the worse thing that had ever happened to me. I told him I wish I had never met him & I said I hated him. When I pulled away from him, being furious, my strength flung him into the air & his body landed in front of an incoming trolley. His body was limp. I knew the trolley ran over him before I woke up from the dream. I think it ran over his head. I woke up thinking about the dream. I said what I said to Ralph out of built up anger but perhaps I should find a healthier way to respond to him. I think heโ€™s going through a mid-life crisis at 38 years old. Heโ€™s been dealing with depression & I can literally feel what heโ€™s going through in my bodyโ€ฆ the tension in the back of my neck.

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