23 Mar 2025
Dream
A little background of my life.
In real life I had a years-long struggle with addiction. I have now been clean for 24 years straight. So I don't use any narcotics or mind/mood altering chemicals. Period. No matter what. The dream happened three nights ago. In real life, I am currently struggling with a very painful blood clot hemorrhoid. So painful that I could not sleep peacefully. So, three nights ago, I dreamt that a friend offered me a narcotic pill to stop the pain. I knew not to take the narcotic, but the pain was so bad that I grew desperate and took a bite out of the narcotic pill. Before I could even swallow it, immediately, my eyelids shut and I was unable to see!
I lost control of my eyes and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't open them without using my hands. I was really scared that I had permanently changed my life. Slowly, but surely, after an extended period of time, I was able to open my eyes all by themselves. The other important thing is the narcotic itself. It was a pill, something I would never, ever do. It's not like it was alcohol, or marijuana, or crack cocaine, even. Those are things that I am used to. But to relapse on a pill, something I am already afraid of, because you cannot control a pill, once it's in your body, it's going to do whatever it's going to do. It's not like alcohol you can throw up or smoke that you can take little puffs of at a time. So often little itty bitty pills have the largest impact. So I just don't like pills at all, period. In real life. So that was very strange for me. And frightening.