11 Nov 2023
Dream
It was a nightmare. I was in a waiting room in a jail. Like a visitor’s waiting area. With my sexually abusive brother. We were waiting for him to go in jail or waiting until he gets sentenced. And I just couldn’t take it, I feel like he might have done something to me there, even just make me uncomfortable or something. And that’s why it was the last straw for me. I was so mad and couldn’t take it anymore. There was like dozens of people waiting in the waiting room with us and I angrily and confidently started to explain to all the people there, after I sat up from the chair. I kinda said like, ‘Everyone, this person you see here is my so called brother, and he sexually assaulted me when I was just 7! 7!!! And he was lik 16 or 17!!! That almost fully grown person!!! To his sister!!! He is the most sick person I have ever seen, everyone!’
And everyone backed up on me with a supporting smile or an enthusiastic nod or even a ‘yeah, you’re right!’.
I felt so seen and supported for the first time. And I think people even started clapping or something.
He out of embarrassment left the room. And in that dream world it felt like it was done, like he is gone now, like he is in jail.
And after that happened, I went out to another room or like a private place yet half open like a store where anyone can come in. And there was my dad and also maybe my other family members.
I hugged him and cried with him. I felt bad and said something like, ‘I am finally feeling better because he is gone, but I am so sorry that you had to go through that. That your very son had to be like that and go to jail, I am truly sorry. And we are going through this together.’
And we hugged and cried together.
And after that for some reason, it felt like he was actually not in jail yet or he is out or something. And I had to go through just normal day or errands with him as if nothing had happened. But it felt like in the dream that my sexually malice brother actually may have looked like my loving boyfriend, I think it’s because it is easier for me to process and less traumatic if I don’t see his actual face even in the dream, plus I had thoughts In waking like before, that one of the only things my boyfriend and my sexually abusive brother is that they have the same MBTI personality type, ENTP. So I think that’s why my dream made that association. It is quite blurry now, what I exactly saw in my dream.
And sometime in the dream I think I also heard that my crazy brother actually went to Bali because he had too much debt and he had to flee with his wife.
Which is not too far fetched from my waking life, because he actually lost away a big chunk of money like, about 30000$ to a hasty ‘investment’ that he didn’t even told his wife about and that seemingly ‘good’ looking married relationship of his is actually in a bad state, according to his another nice brother of mine, who used to be close to him, and now he has drifted from him, because he is disappointed by him repeatedly.
Anyways back to my dream, it felt like at least he is away from me now in the dream. And now I was on the road with my loving boyfriend and some others I am not sure who it was after I woke up. In the dream it felt like just a normal way to ride to somewhere like with a car. But what actually happened in my dream was that, we were altogether on a single skate board or either we we all on rollerblades but not individually separate, rather we were tightly together. And we just roam around in the road that way, it felt normal in the dream. And as it is in my waking like, in my dream my boyfriend was the one who ‘drives’ the ‘car’(as it’s very different concept in my dream rollerblades rather than a car).
And I think we were trying to get to home. We had enough of whatever happened that day. We were tired and just wanted to get it over with.
We were waiting in the stoplight, but what is also ‘normal’ in this dream is that there are zombies roaming in the streets. And even while we waited for the lights or even while me ‘drove around’ we had to try and dodge them. In the stoplight, the zombies actually touched us, especially since we are stopping at the stoplight. And we tried very hard not to be bitten. And we were able to dodge it and start moving when the lights turned green. But it was still hard dodging the zombies while we move around in the streets, trying to go through. The streets now weirdly looked like huge supermarket shelves, as if we were trying to pass by inside the supermarket, like as if we were shopping around in it. But it was nerving not trying to get bitten by zombies randomly roaming the streets.
