22 Jan 2025
Dream
I had a dream that I was staying in my sister Wanda's house.
I had all my things there. All my clothes in different parts of the house. I had different, you know, like I still live there. And I was trying to move out and go to my own apartment. The same apartment I've been having in this while I've been using this dream app. And I, my daughter came over there and she lives in Texas. And while she was there, she wasn't talking to me. She was like not happy to see me or anything. And I love my daughter, but she kept hanging out with her cousins, Brandy and Nakia. And they went downstairs to hang out in the basement, in the bedroom, I'm sorry. And, you know, I was just trying to get my things together and she came from Texas and I'm in California. And I thought, why, why she ignore me? Why she seems like she hates me.
I went to the door and I talked to her, the door of the room and I said I'm about to leave because I was moving and she was going to go back to Texas so I wanted to say goodbye to her before I left and she never came out. And so I continued to pack my things, suitcases and bags and so I was about to leave but before I went, she had already left and someone came to pick her up to take her back to Texas and so I decided to just go home to my new place instead of being at my sister Wanda's house. So then I went outside the door and went from the porch to the steps and to the sidewalk and I couldn't find my car, I couldn't find my car and I went up the street to see if it was there because I let someone use it and I didn't know where they parked and so I went back in the house and asked someone about my suitcases outside and I asked I think Wanda, do you know where my car is? She didn't know and I went outside and I was looking for my car and I said I was thinking about my heart but my daughter just left without telling me and that really broke my heart and I feel like I'm losing her and I feel like I realized that she doesn't like me and in reality too, it makes me not like her, it makes her toxic to me and I don't know what to do about it. I just think I decided to give up on her, just completely divorce my daughter and my son too because he's really hard to deal with as well and they're both grown ups so.
You know, when I woke up, I had the best sleep ever. I felt so good when I woke up and so refreshed. You know, I love my kids, but they are very hard to love. And I just feel like I want to be free from that, and I don't know. It should be okay, because I don't want to continue to pay for my mistakes, whatever they might have against me as I brought them up. Or they think that I'm supposed to be perfect or something. I'm not, and neither are they. They could be assholes to me, and I still come back and love. And I went to therapy for my daughter, and I got better. You know, yeah, it was hard. It was hard, and anyway, she and I, she's backing away from me even more, so it's weird. My son, he's very successful, and he didn't want to give me any money when I'm in need. I'm older now, and I don't have money like that, and I just needed help. You know what I mean? So if you ever ask me for money again, I'm going to give it to you this time, but if you ask me again, don't talk to me ever again. And, you know, he said he was healed. I apologized or whatever. He's bothering him. I had to grow up with him, basically. I had him at 16, and I did my best, and he did good, you know, even though we had our struggles. Because he's a powerful person. He has a strong personality, and I have ADHD, and I didn't know I had ADHD. And I was a child having children, and it's just a lot, but I did my best in retrospect, and so that's something I can be proud of. But he has attempted our realization that we are all doing our best for the most part, and I never was like a big-time abuser, even though I got abused when I was a kid by my mother, and she didn't know what to do either. She just thought kids were seen and not heard, and I was that. I got ignored a lot, and that's how I believe I got ADHD. Because I had no organization. I had no, like, there was no schedule. Like, do this at this time, do this at that time, or that time. It was kind of like we would just do things whenever we got to it or we had to do it, or no sleep pattern, no real, let's go to bed at 11. Schedule, so I just grew up kind of like all over the place. That's the wrong part of my life. When I was from a baby to, like, 9, 10, like, that's when you get programmed. So trying to fight that program and, you know, be more, have a schedule, have a, you know, routine, and, you know, it's been so hard, and I struggled with that my whole life. And when I was trying to monitor my moods, because I didn't really always know what mood to be in as a kid. And when I did, it was like I don't remember getting that much comfort, going to my room, comfort myself, cry. Anyways, so I'm just trying to figure out this game, you know, because it's been really lonely in my life since 15 out of years old. I don't like trying to figure it out still. I have an assistant now, but it's hard to get anywhere on time. So I finally got a good healthcare assistant part-time at my house, and that's been really helpful to get places on time. And it also helps not to be lonely here as an empty nester. So what does this dream mean for my life?
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