Dream About Connection And Rejection

I was at school, learning to teach and taking my own classes. Students younger than me were getting ads from corporations selling soap bars mixed with AI that would write essays for you. A chubby, cute, younger black male student, a freshman, was saying “my friend Richard helps me write essays” when in fact “Richard” meant AI, and an older white male professor immediately called him out for that. The black male student was disappointed to not have gotten away with it but not defensive. Then I was in a room with other grad students, a Muslim Armenian man who spoke French and English, and when he spoke French my friend Navya (from Indian) responded in French. He only spoke a little French but they communicated. I did not understand any of the French and listened pleasantly. When he spoke Arabic a beautiful young black woman came near, wearing braids and lip gloss and she smelled good, and she hummed at his Arabic and they enjoyed a sensual moment flirting in this manner. I felt so happy seeing all these different people together. Then a young white woman stood apart, separated by a table at our waists. She had red hair, was thin and with, and upset. Her partner was this girl from my MFA, Autumn, who I don’t know super well. Apparently Autumn was an abusive partner and she was not present. The red haired girl was talking about what an intense partner she was and she was clearly upset about her, sighing and running her hands through her hair. She was about to cry so I went over to hug and comfort her, and she rebuffed me. I was profoundly hurt. I stepped back and said “I wish you the best,” still wanting to take care of her, and touched her arm, and then I left on my own. I folded a long purple skirt with white buttons, and cried, thinking I should’ve asked if I could hug her. I also remember being angry that Cody wouldn’t let me love him the way I had wanted to, so I have to give him up and love other people, and just generally that I have this sense that people are not letting me love them, that I want to give so bad and they won’t accept. This goes for friends and potential lovers alike. I don’t think this is factually true but it is deeply felt and I woke up sobbing.