14 Aug 2024
Dream
Waiting for mom to come back home after a nighttime grocery shopping
She went to drive
In my room with younger brother
He’s watching gameplay vids and I am too
Or I’m PLAYING a game
I tell him to go back to the room where he sleeps with mom on his own accord so that he won’t be caught pulling an all-nighter(“It’s not gonna be my fault if she scolds you in any way, I’ve given you the caveat and now it’s your responsibility”)
When she comes back, predictably he’s still unaware and playing/watching videos
He rushes back to the room just before she comes into the house, tries to feign that he was just about to go back to sleep after not being able to, and that he was just borrowing the iPad to help him dose off
She ofc clocks him and pokes on all the logical flaws in his fabricated excuses
I’m in the room just watching, mom scolds younger brother for not changing his diaper
Her teaching the natural consequences of his actions and him throwing a tantrum about it(he has the impulse control of a four year old when he’s physically already ten or so, what can he do)
I’m just coldly giving him info about what he has been doing, what things he has not done that should’ve been done by the time she was back as per her instructions, as well as what he has done
After each point she gives him the verbal preview of what would happen if this behavior continues on in the future, even WITHOUT her chastising him for it every time(e.g. you will be stinky all the time if you don’t wash yourself and change diapers, etc.(He’s ten, he’s only wearing it during times when it’s not feasible for him to be attuned to his own needs but COULD do so if he chooses))
The room’s light is dim and I’m folding the clothes while he trots around or rolls to whine about it, she’s on the mattress calmly giving the verbal demonstrations
After I’m done folding the clothes I tell her that I’m done, and that I’m going back to sleep in my own room
* I can tell that she feels displeased/isolated by that thought; she never really liked it when I insisted on being let sleep alone even when I had all the reasons to, because she feels that I could just ‘sleep alone all I want when I get my own room/apartments’(again, deprivation of this sense of ownership over my own safe space is a prominent theme; WILL affect my sense of and the ability to feel security in my own body and space in the future, the “Nothing ever is mine, I don’t *really* deserve anything, I’m just “borrowing”/“stealing” spaces/things that really belongs to someone else and I’m only veing able to use these things because they feel generous/I’m being so “selfish” just by asking and being so “incomprehensibly”/“unreasonably” adamant”
