Ellen, your dream is a rich tapestry of emotions and symbols, deeply intertwined with your personal experiences and relationships. Starting with the intimate moment between you and Colleen in your living room, it's clear this is a space of comfort and connection for you. However, the moment she refers to you by your deadname, 'Myles,' introduces a layer of discomfort and identity conflict. This slip could symbolize lingering issues of acceptance and recognition regarding your true self, even among those who love you.
When you move into the kitchen and encounter your Dad, it's interesting that he seems unaware of the intimate moment you just shared. His presence, and the mention of your mother being unexpectedly awake, might indicate underlying anxieties about parental approval and the fear of being 'caught' living authentically. The act of scampering away with Colleen suggests a need to escape judgment or misunderstanding from family members.
The transition to the outside world, which deviates significantly from reality, introduces a sense of surrealism. The hill and the old mansion represent a journey and perhaps a confrontation with the past or family history. The formal attire of the people at the gate and the woman with the vase symbolize mourning or loss, indicating that you might be processing grief or significant changes in your life. Allowing them into the mansion and guiding them to the sick old man might represent your role in facilitating connections or managing family dynamics, even at a cost to your own emotional well-being.
Inside, the presence of children and teenagers, including yourself, points to a recognition of different stages of life and possibly unresolved issues from your own youth. Sitting with them might reflect a sense of solidarity or shared experiences within a 'strange family' context, perhaps highlighting feelings of being an outsider or part of a non-conventional family structure.
The final scene where Colleen is influenced by Mhari, someone you have positive feelings for in real life, introduces a layer of jealousy or fear of losing control over your own relationships. The insidious nature of Mhari in the dream could symbolize external pressures or fears of betrayal. Your warning about your Mum discovering your relationship and the subsequent act of hiding as she and your Dad walk past reinforces the theme of hiding one's true self from parental figures.
Overall, Ellen, this dream seems to reflect deep-seated fears about acceptance, identity, and the complexities of familial relationships.
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