25 May 2024
Dream
In the same dream where I kept flipping through alternate realities, i woke up in one reality where i was 30 years old. i didn't understand how i got there and i was with a man who was apparently my husband, but i had no idea who he was. he attempted to kiss me which i flinched and backed away, so he asked what i was doing and i told him i don't know who he is. he thought i was joking and eventually tried kissing me again, which triggered me into freaking out because it reminded me of when i'd been sexually assaulted in my real life. so he backed away and said he was my husband, which i responded with "im only 18! i can't be married!" then he said "18? you're 35 what are you talking about" then i went to grab my phone and it turned out that nobody i met in my real life existed in that universe. or they did exist and i just hadn't met them, then i flipped to another reality, one where i was 80 years old and a young man was attempting to marry me to gain my assets because i was senile. but since i had switched to my 18 year old reality me, i didn't know who the man was and i told him i wasn't marrying him, which made him become violent and aggressive and attempting to attack me. I eventually came across one reality similar to my current one. I knew all my loved ones fron my original reality, but they were different in that world and we hadn't spoken to each other in years supposedly. I was older than my current age, and I went into my phone and my messages said we hadn't spoken in years. I found the boy I love in my messages, he was older, he had slight facial hair and his hair was longer. he still looked pretty and his life was very successful now but i contacted him anyways letting him know I didn't belong in that universe and I wanted to go back home because i missed so many years of my life by skipping ahead. He was the first person I looked for in every universe, and he told me he didn't understand why i was contacting him since we hadn't spoken in years, but he'd come meet me so I could explain what i meant.. he came and we both talked in his car, but in my reality he doesn't have a car yet. But we spoke in his car and i explained to him all the memories i had to prove i wasn't from their reality, and while he told me some of my memories were real, there were minor details i got wrong, and some of my memories just didn't happen at all. my name wasn't even my name, it was joedeen in that world. So he believed i really didn't belong there, but i was still the same as my alternate version, he said my core values were like hers. he was the same too, he was kind and compassionate and he was the first person to believe me when i told him i wasn't from their reality. he made me feel safe and grounded. but the more i explained my situation to him, the more chaos began to unfold around us. somehow his car ended up on a train track, and we were nearly hit by two trains. we escaped so i tried to keep telling him, but anytime i said anything something else would come crashing down and nearly kill us. it was like the universe was keeping me from telling him, so i stopped to keep him and his reality safe. i hugged him but then i started to cry, and tell myself i don't want to be joedeen and i just want my life back. i'm koji, not joedeen, i miss when people called me koji i miss being me. then i woke up crying and shaking. i felt like i was trapped in that dream for years, and i was so relieved to see my friends again after i woke up.
