15 Dec 2025
Dream
I was walking with my dad towards the small trailer I lived in. It was at the foot of mountains and it was dusk. He was judging this house but I was happy with it. Turns out my sister Ruby and her husband Jackson were living in there with their baby son and once that baby was older, they had a daughter. The daughter was somehow older than the son though she was born later in the dream. Childcare in the dream was weird and I don’t remember much, just that it was very, very weird. It wasn’t too stressful, but the things the children did and wanted made me feel awkward though I did my best. My dad disappeared when it came to helping with the kids—after walking with me on a dirt path to the house he was gone.
My dad briefly drove me around while I did heavy, shimmery blue makeup in the passenger seat using the sunshield mirror. My makeup looked mostly good and similar to a girl I had seen on YouTube who specializes in 80s looks. Music was playing and I knew dad would dislike the particular Ariana grande song that was playing, it wasn’t one of her more famous songs. It played part of the next song and dad turned off audio without asking. I said “oh” but wasn’t surprised, and didn’t turn it back on. I just kept doing my makeup, which I was enjoying in any case.
Last I remember doing a ritual with Selene, a friend of mine who is Native, that allowed one of my Native male ancestors to temporarily co-inhabit my body. We were on a porch or balcony in a beautiful desert. The sand was bright with sun and there were a few plants here and there. I was aware of myself and still “in my mind,” but this Native man was talking directly to Selene and asking about her people. He was very open and spoke his native language. There was a long, sustained scream that “we” made in the presence of Selene, not a scary or sad scream, but just a long and loud one as he transitioned into me and we were both present in my body. I was aware of myself enough to be self-conscious and wondering how I would explain this experience to white people in my life, or if what was happening was even real, but he also just spoke and connected with Selene, through me. Overall this was a strange dream but not that negative—the negative feelings and actions associated with my dad weren’t even that serious, and in past dreams they have been. The weird childcare parts were also ok even though they felt inaccessible or mysterious. Overall I’m not sure what to make or feel about any of it but thankfully I at least feel calm.
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