11 Nov 2025
Dream
Remember sleeping in a big house with other students from my cohort. I was in a dark bedroom with many beds and I slept alone while other folks slept in coupled. I actually couldn’t see who all was there or coupled that well, some might have been single like me. I remember being sleepy maybe even near death and wanting to be with Cody and we kissed hard and tonguelessly and I fell asleep in his arms and against him, this was not romantic, it was like “this kiss of death” or this resigned, this-is-over type kiss. Then I dreamed of having sex with Angeline, his girlfriend, I didn’t have sex with him, but I had sex with her. She was painted gold. She was blonde (but she’s not in real life) and she wanted to eat me out right away. I’m was surprised but interested in this and she was able to penetrate me somehow even though she didn’t have a penis and wasn’t wearing a strap. I was excited to be having sex with her. And then I remember telling people inside the dream that it was interesting I was having sex with her and not Cody. Then in the dark bedroom I remember making a joke about getting up to pee at 2 AM, everyone laughed at my joke and then I did get up and go out a door. I went into a connected bedroom, also with low light, and I didn’t know who was sleeping in there, but I needed to go through a door that looks like my apartment front door to get to the bathroom. Turns out Conrad was in that bedroom and he was awake. We exchanged some words.
Then I remember a long sequence of this person in my grad school program named Colin. Colin is quite androgynous and part of the dream outside this house that we all had been sleeping in. it was sunny outside and Colin was looking beautiful. Colin‘s hair looks beautiful, what they were wearing beautiful, and they were outside with their friends and their girlfriend Abi. I was outside with them too and Colin was posing in different places and it was a beautiful mix of crumbling ruins overrun with nature and greenery outside. It was a really beautiful landscape, and Colin looked really beautiful and was posing on top of things and letting their friends take pictures of them. At first I don’t think Colin knew or cared about their own beauty and was just having fun with their friends and the dream kind of turned into a fair or festival, Colin suddenly had a wig on. It was unflattering. It was a blonde curly wig that was very boxy and didn’t fit well. At this point many people were sitting on the rim of a pool full of water and with no one in it, and I saw Cody and Angeline again. There are many people there and somebody was talking to Colin and then as they turned towards the entrance to the pool where Cody and Angeline were sitting they made fun of Colin on their way back, like imitating Colin’s femininity and I had a thought about Colin being androgynous and really quite feminine, but having a girlfriend. I didn’t have thoughts beyond that. It’s just something I observed. Cody witnessed this person making fun of Colin but didn’t react. Neither did Angeline.
At this fair or festival there was an attraction kind of like a museum mixed with an with an amusement park ride. You walked first up some wooden stairs and then you went down into a dark space and then you would emerge at the end up through a hole. I went on this ride twice. There was a really long line and it was packed full of Black people, and we were humming as we ascended the stairs and went into the hole. I was seeing a woman, a middle-age, black woman, singing, and the way her mouth moved. She had this really beautiful velvet voice. At one point going up the stairs there was a white girl who was in line and didn’t seem to recognize where she was or just wanted to get ahead, and got out of the line and budged to get ahead. I noticed this with resignation and kept my place in line, just singing with people. I wasn’t surprised by her doing that, her not knowing how she was trespassing and how she was trying to get ahead. Going through the “tour” and seeing the black woman singing, I took a card from her, which had information about where to take a $25 class to sing with a choir, to learn to sing in groups. It was in a Colorado town that started with E. It was something like ESTADOR or EVADOR, it was her business card.
Briefly at this festival I was at a restaurant table outside and Cody was there, but I wasn’t interacting with him. There was a woman at a table directly in front of me who was quite elderly, but was wearing a visible pink thong and cheetah print sweats, early 2000s style. She got up to go somewhere else and she had she kind of stalked off towards me and I saw her belly button was pierced, and that she had a very wrinkled stomach. I was thinking that her being dressed like this was inappropriate for her age and I wondered why she was dressing that way, and I was afraid Cody might comment, I knew he noticed it, but he didn’t say anything. It seemed like this woman represented the stalking off of my own obsession or vigilance about my appearance and my attempts to be attractive, those attempts aging and disappearing.
Overall, dark or sad things were in the dream technically like being in the bedrooms at night and having that hard sad kiss with Cody and then falling asleep or kind of dying in his arms, but I didn’t feel bad or sad about any of it. I’m facing in life among other things closure with Cody, as there is zero chance of being together and he’s living with Angeline, so I expect to see in my dreams more symbols handling that and moving through it. It feels like this dream was recognizing that, and Colin represented some sort of natural, innocent, androgynous beauty and play outside the dark bedrooms, and they were out in the sun among the ruins, but still in the sun, and the ruins and nature mixed together was really beautiful.
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