10 Oct 2025
Dream
I dreamt thay I was given, or won, a home of my own finally. I was so relieved and happy. But it was in Tasmania, which I knew from my years living there in real life would be difficult because the people are very closed to outsiders. But I was glad and happy to finally have a home of my own.
It was a beautiful old natural stone house, cosy and warm, with a beautiful old, mossy, natural stone exterior. But it had a shabby, dated 70s interior, and all the old owner's belongings were still inside - lots of boxes of memorabilia and crowded furniture and decor. It was going to be a big job to refurbish inside, but I was willing and ready, just so happy to have a place to call my own, and such a beautiful one at that. It was on a very large piece of pretty land - green hillocky paddocks with stones scattered all over. There was an outdoor area built away from the house: an old carport roof or gazebo with a firepit, four lounge chairs around that, and a rectangular table with 6 or 8 chairs around it. It was all squashed awkwardly together under the roof, so I rearranged it a little, to look better. I also started the tidying task inside the house.
I went into town one day on an errand, and began remembering what it was like to try living there as an outsider. The people were slightly reticent and suspicious, just like I remembered, being passively unhelpful and staring. Then, when walking outside along a main street, I ran into invisible walls, which I jad forgotten were built as annexes alongside lots of the buildings. These walls were only invisible in daylight hours, at dusk they would become visible again. They had doors to pass through, but you had to aim for the centre of the footpath and put your hand out to push the door open as you went - which the locals were skilled at but I hadnt practised, so it was difficult as I had to feel my way. This embarrased the locals, and when I said something about forgetting the annexes were there, the locals denied that the walls existed. I remembered how, in real life, Tasmanians deny anything to outsiders that they feel makes them different (as a defence mechanism) all the time. I remembered how frustrating it was to live among people who deny reality, as my own mother was like that due to her own mental illnesses. My entire childhood was like that - seeing reality but told it wasnt so. But in the dream I just accepted it, albeit heavily, determined to remember how to fit in. There were other issues with shopkeepers or town officials being difficult too that seemed a compilation of all the difficulties I experienced in my years living there in real life. Still I wasn't ready to give up on the beautiful house.
When I got home, I discovered that the outdoor area had been rearranged back to how it was when i arrived, and I remembered that the locals took any change as criticism (accurate in real life), and would often just let themseles into other people's houses and rearrange things, that they had boundary issues (only half-true in real life). I sighed, but again, determined to accept and just remember this going forward.
But then I ran into my mother (abusive in real life, so cut off from me) in the town one day. She was working at a supermarket and shocked and a little annoyed to see me there. She said she was there on an extended holiday, because I had apparently told her to go there for a holiday. I then remembered doing that, and prepared to just endure - again - her being in town for a short time. But then she said that, as I was here now, she would move out of her hotel and come live with me. Permanently. Never going back to her home. She went to the house and started making space for herself. That was the point I couldnt take it anymore and woke up.
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