Dream About Hopelessness And Rain

Blooming rains : For what is all of this? I dreamed of doing a sin, and went to my bathroom to clean myself to shower, and then I wore my clothes and stay in the bathroom that I have in my house, I sat in the toilet closet I ponder in the bathroom, I remember that I once had a great aunt, she is very nice to me, she has curly hair, but she isn't with me here... Anymore. My aunt got sexually abused, she got abused bad, I do not remember clearly how. After I ponder, I saw a hanger, there was a plastic bag hanging with lots of goods, it is from my uncle, I don't care anymore. I don't want that plastic with goods anymore, I don't want his gifts anymore, I want him to stop sending me gifts. I ponder and asked myself, "what am I here for?", " Why am I like this?", "why is everything like this?", " Why is.. This?. " I feel hopeless and sad, but I am so emotionless that I couldn't even cry, no hopes, I thought I would be better, but there is no progress. It was raining outside too, I went out, and soak myself in rain, looking at the pavement and trees in my yard.