Dream About Anxiety And Relationships 3

Nightmare where I woke up with my heart pounding! I was in a group chat with my MFA cohort (other grad students), and sometimes I was talking to them on WhatsApp and other times I was talking to them in person. One of them asked if Cody and I had hooked up. I said “he said no” and laughed and curtsied, saying “ta-da” because I figured this would surprise people. I felt silly and sad. Then I remember things escalating quickly and running around screaming at Cody and others. I was yelling about how this had been hell for me. I remember my mother asking if my breasts were sore and they were. I ran around aware that I was throwing a scene and screaming. I wanted turmeric; I thought “if I could just get turmeric or turcyclone (made up word that sounded like some medication). I also tried to draw the laughing emoji on paper while talking to another grad student Caitlin, and I explained that the drawing was ugly because my home life had been abusive. I was indirect but intentional about communicating that it was abuse. The lines were super hard and the drawing was indeed ugly and didn’t look like the laughing emoji very much. Towards the end of the dream I ran up to a bedroom and shut the door and body slammed onto the bed. At some point I locked the door, and then locked it again. There were two mismatched doors for the lock and they left a gap, where I was worried about Cody seeing me, but at least I could lock it. The lock was black and thin and the doors were thin too, but it still worked. I rolled over on the bed and landed upright, and started folding black tights. There were clean clothes everywhere in the bedroom and I started folding them. I remember thinking along the lines of “I’m angry about this woman [Cody’s girlfriend] instead of getting a PhD.” In other words this was taking away from my focus and my ambitions. I woke up with my heart racing and had to soothe myself a lot.