Shantel, your dream about your abusive ex who is dead finding you and kidnapping you is profoundly significant. This dream likely reflects deeply embedded fears and unresolved traumas from your past relationship. The fact that your ex is deceased in reality yet appears vividly in your dreams indicates that you may still be grappling with the emotional scars left by that relationship. The act of being kidnapped suggests a feeling of being trapped or constrained, possibly mirroring how you felt during that abusive period and how it might still be impacting your current state of mind.
In the context of your ongoing PTSD, anxiety disorders, and depression, this dream could be your mind's way of processing the lingering effects of the trauma. The recurrence of such dreams and the presence of nightmares almost always upon waking up suggests that these experiences have left a significant mark on your subconscious. The frequent stress and anxiety you experience in your waking life may be contributing to the vividness and intensity of these dreams, making them feel very real and distressing.
Moreover, considering the life-changing events you've been through, such as financial stress and substance abuse, your dream might be a manifestation of the various stressors in your life converging into one nightmarish scenario. The feeling of being found and kidnapped by your ex could symbolize a fear of relapsing into old habits or being overwhelmed by past traumas that you thought were behind you.
Your current relationship status might also be playing a role in these dreams.