Sheila, your recurring dream in which you successfully commit suicide is profoundly significant and deeply troubling. Recurring dreams often indicate unresolved issues that your subconscious mind is trying to process. Given the frequency and intensity of this dream, it's clear that your mind is grappling with substantial emotional turmoil and distress.
The act of committing suicide in a dream can symbolize a desire to escape from overwhelming feelings or situations in your waking life. It may reflect a sense of hopelessness or a feeling that you are unable to cope with certain aspects of your life. This aligns with the high levels of stress, anxiety, and sadness you experience frequently, as well as the various mental health challenges you've been diagnosed with, such as PTSD, ADHD, anxiety disorders, OCD, depression, and bipolar disorder. These conditions can create a mental and emotional environment where feelings of despair and the desire for escape become prominent.
Additionally, the recurring nature of this dream suggests that there are persistent issues in your life that need to be addressed. The repetition of this theme night after night indicates that your subconscious is urgently trying to alert you to these unresolved matters. The presence of financial stress, traumatic experiences, health issues, and relationship difficulties in your life further compounds these feelings, creating a complex web of stressors that might feel insurmountable at times.
It's also worth noting that you rarely feel refreshed after sleep and often wake up with negative feelings.