Sea,
In your dream, the recurring attempts to reach your abusive ex-partner underscore a profound need for closure and resolution. The aliases and game engines represent your desire for a new identity or a way to navigate past traumas without direct confrontation. The difficulty in contacting your ex and the panic attacks signify a struggle to process what you've experienced and a yearning for acknowledgement or understanding from him, despite knowing that it may not be forthcoming.
Your cats escaping and the subsequent challenges in retrieving them and giving them a bath could symbolize aspects of your life that you feel are slipping out of control or require constant attention and care. The detail of the GPS indicates a need for control and safety, perhaps mirroring the need to manage your own emotional well-being. The misadventure with the bath and the urine suggests feelings of disgust or discomfort with certain aspects of your healing process, and the concern for not hurting your cat reflects your own self-care and the delicacy with which you're approaching your recovery.
The theater scene, where you miss the movie and accidentally cast a game on the screen, might relate to a sense of disconnect from your family's experiences and the social world around you. Your assertion that "it's not me" while simultaneously telling the truth reveals the complex interplay between your internal reality and how you wish to be perceived by others.
There's a thread in these dreams that ties back to previous ones, where a theme of missed opportunities and inadvertent disruptions recurs. Whether it's missing a chance to interview on the space station or having your movie experience interrupted, there's a sense of being out of sync with your desired path or unable to fully engage with key moments in your life.
These experiences seem to resonate with the life events you've endured, such as the diagnosis of PNES, the verbal assault, and the emotional abuse. The struggle to find peace and understanding after such events is palpable in your dream, where the repeated motif of searching for someone who has caused you pain reflects an inner conflict between the desire for resolution and the need to protect yourself.
The deletion of everything related to your ex, except for the new book club, suggests a conscious choice to move forward and embrace new, healthier connections while still acknowledging the difficulty in letting go completely. This aligns with your biography, where themes of mental health breakthroughs and personal growth are likely prominent. Your dream points to an ongoing process of healing, where you are taking active steps to remove yourself from harmful patterns and seeking solace in familial bonds and self-care.