Janine, your dream about being in NYC with Gretchen appears to reflect a sense of search or pursuit, likely for understanding or connection, indicated by your quest for the Ute culture address in a newspaper. Gretchen's familiarity with NYC might symbolize your perception of someone in your waking life who seems more adept or comfortable navigating a certain area of expertise or life challenge. The act of throwing away the newspaper could signify a moment of frustration or a decision to abandon a particular search, perhaps feeling that the information or goal you were seeking is no longer relevant or necessary.
The mention of "something about killing a son" is a powerful image that may not necessarily be literal but could represent a fear of loss or change, especially relating to something you've nurtured or hold dear. This could be connected to an aspect of your identity or a project that you've invested in emotionally. The desire to go back and find the newspaper suggests a lingering attachment to the quest or information you've discarded, indicating a possible internal conflict between moving on and revisiting past decisions or paths.
Reflecting on your previous dreams, there seems to be a recurring theme of goodbyes and transitions, such as saying farewell to Chela and others or feeling overwhelmed at the thought of packing up a kitchen. These dreams may relate to your life event of retiring from teaching medical sociology, marking a significant shift in your identity and daily routine. This transition might be prompting feelings of uncertainty, as well as the need to reconcile the past with your future plans.
Your retirement is a significant milestone that may be stirring up a mix of emotions, as the end of one chapter often does. It's not uncommon to experience dreams that revolve around searching for something or feeling a sense of loss as you navigate this new phase of life. The dreams may be reflecting your process of redefining your sense of purpose and the quest for new avenues to explore your passions and interests post-retirement.