Alicia, your dream about meth usage is a complex and intriguing one. Dreams about drug use can often be symbolic of the need for escapism or a desire to avoid facing certain issues in waking life. It's important to note that dreaming about meth use doesn't necessarily imply a personal desire to use meth, but rather, it could represent a subconscious attempt to cope with stress or emotional turmoil. The dream may be a reflection of unresolved feelings related to the life-changing events you've experienced, such as substance abuse and the loss of a loved one. It's possible that the dream is a manifestation of the impact these events have had on your subconscious mind. The fact that you feel refreshed after sleep sometimes, coupled with occasional joyful activities and rare negative feelings upon waking, suggests that your dream may be a way for your mind to process underlying emotions. The recurring nature of the dream also indicates that there are deep-seated emotions or issues that your subconscious is trying to address. It's important to explore the feelings and thoughts that arise from this dream, as they could provide valuable insights into your emotional well-being and mental health. While dreams can be enigmatic, they often serve as a window into our innermost thoughts and emotions. Reflecting on the dream and its potential meanings can be a valuable step towards self-discovery and emotional healing.